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PRINCESS YOLANDE, PRINCE CHARMING, KING HULLABALLOO, AND RIGOLO 



THEy 

STRANGE ADVENTURES 
ef PRINCE CHARING" 

ji^opy^oRsniE yonkfit-OLD 

^meltov Goldsmith 



McLOUGHLIN BROTHERS, INC. 
NEW YORK 




Copyright, 1919, by 
McLoughlin Brothers, Inc. 


DEC 15 1919 


©CI.A559 0 62 




f 




e PRINCE/ <SmRTS 
We> ADVENTURERS* • 



CHAPTER I. 


^ING HULLABALLOO was in a very bad 
humor. Everything had gone wrong, as it some- 
times does even in a royal household. To begin 
with, the milk was sour, and the eggs tasted after 
cold storage, and when the black-bird pie was 
opened, there were only nineteen birds instead of the 
four-and-twenty it usually contained, and they 
absolutely refused to sing. Is it any wonder the King 
felt cross? To make matters still worse, the head chauffeur 
had just brought word that Prince Charming, the heir to the 
throne, had been thrown in the air by an explosion of the royal 
automobile, and that in trying to break a record, he had broken 
the machine. 

“ Send the Prince to me at once ” shouted the King in such an 
angry voice that the queen fainted and all the courtiers trembled 
like aspen leaves for fear. Any one that has seen an aspen leaf 
tremble, will realize their great terror. Prince Charming came 



2 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

into the throne room a 
moment later. He was a 
handsome lad of eighteen, 
although he looked older. 

“Young man,” shout- 
ed the King, his face 
purple with anger, “ I 
hear you have got 
intotrouble again. 

It is time you did 
something useful. 

At your age, I had 
killed three drag- 
ons, captured sev- 
en giants, and 
rescued your 
mother from an 
enchanted castle. 

You have done nothing but kept the Court in hot water.” 

“ But father,” stammered the Prince. 

“ But me no buts,” growled the King. “ To-morrow you set 
out on your travels. Don’t dare to come back until you have 
rescued a Princess or done something equally sensible. Be worthy 
to bear the great historical name of Hullaballoo.” After more 
harsh remarks which set every one trembling again, the King 
went into the parlor to count his money, ( which he did regularly 



THE KING COUNTING HIS MONEY 


The Prince Starts His Adventures 


3 


every day), while the Queen, very sad indeed, went into the 
kitchen and ate her usual allowance of bread and honey. 

In his heart Prince Charming was glad to allowed to go on 
a voyage of adventure. His first step was to become a Knight. 
Since the days of King Arthur and his Round Table, all 
brave deeds have been done by Knights. Now the quickest 
way to become a Knight, as every one knows, is to take a 
course of instruction in some good correspondence college. 
Charming telephoned at once to the F. C. S., (which means 
Fairyland Correspondence School) for a complete course of 
lessons. It came next morning by express., — a big heap of 
books, a blackboard, and a phonograph. It was most in- 
teresting, and, oh, so easyl 

The first lesson taught him how to become a Knight of Labor, 
the second made him a Knight of Rest, and so on by easy stages 
until he became a 33d degree Knight Errant with the title of “ Sir ” 
before his name. The other books contained the histories of Jack 
the Giant Killer, Jack and the Beanstalk, The Arabian Nights, 
When Knighthood was in Flower, Don Quixote, and other true 
stories which told him exactly how to kill a dragon, capture a 
giant, make a Genie look like thirty cents, and rescue a beauteous 
maiden from some hideous monster, to be found only in books of 
Unnatural History. 

At the end of the week Charming graduated at the head of his 
class, a full-fledged knight, last night, to-morrow night, and every 
other night. He received a beautiful diploma with “ F. C. S.” 


4 The Strange Adventures of Trince Charming 

printed on in gold and tied with a blue ribbon. They also gave 
him a guide book and road map which showed all the places 
where there were enchanted castles and captive princesses, and 
where a good correspondence-school Knight would be apt to find 
a thrilling but not too dangerous job. Charming next went to the 
Fairy Department Store on Presto Change Street, and bought all 
he needed for his trip, — an invisible cap, a magic sword, and a 
pair of seven-league boots that would carry him 
twenty-one miles at every step. He also got a 
license tag, as the 
speed laws were severe 
in foreign lands. 

Next morning he 
bade his father and 
mother a touching 
farewell. The King 
was about to give 
him some pocket 
money, but as his 
Majesty was of a 
very economic turn 
of mind, he con- 
cluded to give him 
some good advice 
instead, which, I 

am sorry to say, charming receives his diploma 



5 


The Prince Starts his Adventures 
the Prince forgot before he had gone a single league. His mother 
gave him a loving kiss, a ham sandwich to eat on the way in case 
he got hungry where there were no hotels, and a four-leaf-clover, 



A TOUCHING FAREWELL 

made of gold, which had been given him by his Fairy Godmother 
for good luck on the day of his christening. The band in the 
palace played “ Good by, my lover, good bye,” the flags were all 
waving and the people cheering, when the Prince set out on his 
travels. The people seemed glad he was going; some even 
accompanied him as far as the suburbs, fearing he might have 


6 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

some regrets and come back. This shows how popular he was. 
Once in the open country he turned on the speed lever and was 
off in earnest. Gee whiz, how those boots flew over the ground ! 
In just half an hour he had covered 2700 leagues. “ This is better 
than automobiling,” said the Prince as the hills and forests fairly 
flew by. “ I wonder where I am now.” He knew by the color of 
the scenery that he had left his father’s country, and as he had 
gone east, he must be in the land of Nod, where Old King Meri- 
winkle ruled. 




CHAPTER II. 

T)RESENTLY he came to a mountain that blocked his 
path, and there seemed no way of getting over. His 
boots were not geared for climbing hills. But that didn’t 
worry Charming. He knew that it was one of the rules of 
Fairyland to put all sorts of obstacles in the path of a hero, 
just to make him invent a way to overcome them. At the 
foot of the mountain sat an old woman whose face was as 
wrinkled as the rocks that hung above her. All those wrinkles 
had no doubt been dimples when she was young, but the 
finger of Time had stretched them out till her face looked 
like a fisherman’s net. Her raven locks were hanging down 
her back like those in the advertisement of some hair tonic, 
and she was crying bitterly. 

At first Charming thought she was a witch, and he pre- 
ferred not to have anything to do with witches, but as she had 
no broom he made up his mind that she might be a fairy in 
disguise, so he said with his politest bow, “Why this grief, 
my dear lady?” 


7 


8 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“Alas,” sobbed the old woman, (who really was a good 
fairy, and sat there every day to see who was worthy of her 
help), “ I lost my only hairpin on the other side of this moun- 
tain and can’t put up my hair without it.” 

“ I’m sorry,” replied the Prince, “ but I have no hairpin 
about me. Won’t a toothpick or a corkscrew do instead?” 

“ Oh, no,” sobbed the old woman as though her heart 
would break ; “ If only some one would carry me over and 
help me find it.” 

“ Why of course,” said Charming, who knew from the tales 

he had read that this was only a plan to try his courage and 

patience. “ Jump right on my back.” 

The old woman did so with a single spring, showing great 
agility for a person with so many wrinkles. Strange to say 
she wasn’t at all heavy, and actually made the prince feel 
lighter too. She directed him to a cleft ifi the rocks, through 

which they passed, and in about two and a half minutes 

they were on the other side of the mountain. The Prince 
set her down carefully and helped her look for her hairpin, 
which he soon found under a weeping willow tree, where it 
had sprouted and was growing quite a crop of false curls. 

“ Thank you, my dear,” said the old woman. “ As a 
reward for your kindness, let me tell you that in yonder 
castle there languisheth Fatinella, a princess who wants to get 
rescued. According to the will of her crazy grandfather, she 
may only be saved by and married to a Prince who can 


9 


The Adventures of Fatinella 

solve a riddle. So far no one has been able to guess it. 
The answer is ‘ Bean-Soup.’ Everybody guesses ‘ Pea-Soup,’ 
which is similar and yet so very different. Now go, my dear, 
and may you be the lucky one.” 

He thanked her and she kissed him on the brow. He 
hurried to the castle repeating to himself “ Bean Soup, Bean 
Soup,” so that he wouldn’t forget it. Once by mistake he 
said “ Pea Soup ” but he corrected himself at once. 

It took about an hour to reach the castle, which was a 
great mass of concrete, made to imitate gray stone, with big 
towers. Near the gate was a painted sign which read as 
follows : 

RULES FOR THE RESCUE OF THE PRINCESS. 

1. Only sons of real kings and possessing fairy godmothers can 

compete. 

2. Every competitor must have a certificate of vaccination. 

3. Register your name and address with the head porter at the 

door. 

4. Knights without baggage must pay in advance for their 

lodging. 

5. The management will not be responsible for armor or 

helmets unless checked in the coat room. 

6. The daily riddle will be given out at 3 P. M. sharp. 

7. Only three guesses will be allowed. 

8. Any knight failing to guess the riddle will be confined to 

the lowest dungeon for life, if he should live so long. 


10 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

9. In the event of any knight guessing the riddle, he shall 
marry the princess at once for better or worse, with the 
probability in favor of the latter. 

By order of his Majesty, 

Meriwinkle 

Surely such rules would have frightened off all but the 
most courageous. Charming feared nothing, however, for he 
knew from the old hairpin-woman just what to do and say. 
At the door was a large automobile horn, from which he 
pressed a few honks, and presently the head porter appeared, 
looking very important in his powdered wig and purple uniform. 

“ Is the Princess Fatinella in ? ” asked the Prince. 

“ She is,” answered the head porter, “ and will continue in 
until some brave prince gets her out.” 

“ I am the man,” answered Charming proudly. “ Take her 
my card, also my vaccination certificate and my F. C. S. 
Diploma. Tell her, too, that I have had the measles and 
whooping-cough, have had my adenoids removed, and have 
been operated on for appendicitis, so that I am ready to brave 
the worst for he.r swfeet sake.” 

The head porter gazed on this intrepid youth in wonder 
and admiration. He was certainly the most up-to-date young 
Prince that had ever presented himself. 

“ Go to her,” he said with tears in his eyes ; “ she is in 
Cell No. 23, corridor 13, right to the left. You can’t enter 
the cell but you may speak to her through the grating.” 


11 


The Adventures of Fatinella 

With eager feet Charming sped to the cell and feasted 
his eyes on Fatinella. Ah, me I but she was sweet, — so sweet 
that her cell was like 
that of the honeycomb. 

She had an oval face 
crowned with a wealth 
of golden hair, her deep 
blue eyes flashed fire, 
she had a rosy mouth, 
and thirty-two perfectly 
lovely pearly teeth all 
her own. Her smile 
was the most delightful 
Charming had ever be- 
held, and as he gazed 
on her he felt that she 
must be his and he 
hers and they theirs. It 
seemed like a sin to win 
so lovely a princess 
through such a simple riddle, whose answer was “ Bean Soup." 

Fatinella seemed to like Charming too, and when she 

heard that he had come to rescue her, she wept a tear or 

two, and hoped he wouldn’t be imprisoned for her sake. 
He smiled a hopeful smile and replied that there was no 

danger ^ of that, as he was going to solve the riddle first 



12 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

guess. Then she put her hand between the bars and he 
kissed it and said he trusted it would be his to keep forever. 

At three o’clock to the minute the whole royal Court 
assembled in the back parlor to watch the tournament. King 
Meriwinkle, a jolly, fat, good-natured monarch with a red 
beard and merry eyes and a mole on his nose, swung his 
sceptre three times around his head, hit it a whack on the 
^mahogany table, and bade Charming welcome. As a rule 
there were several knights waiting for the riddle, but the 
supply had given out of late, and Charming was the only 
applicant. To tell the truth, he felt 
rather nervous, for everybody was 
looking at him suspiciously, as 
though he were doing something 
very naughty. 

“Blow the trumpet I” exclaimed 
the King. 

The chief trumpeter put the 
trumpet to his lips and blew “ Tara — Tara 1 ” loud 
enough to be heard in the next Kingdom. 

“ Read the proclamation ! ” shouted the King. 
The head muckamuck got up and read a paper 
which was so long and dull and had so many 
foolish words in it, such as “To wit” and 
“ Whereas,” that Charming stopped listening after 
the fortieth paragraph. 



13 


The Adventures of Fatinella 

“ Announce the riddle ! ” yelled the King. 

The Chief Riddle Editor, who got his training through 
writing puzzles for the magazines, arose and read as follows : 

“What does a foolish donkey do 
When it can’t reach the hay ? 

Again, what does the stupid boy. 

When he can’t have his way ? 

Also the Prince who cannot solve 
The riddle we give to-day ?” 

“ Bean Soup ! ” exclaimed Charming. “ That's easy.” 

“ Not so, replied the merry monarch. “ That was the 
answer to yesterday’s riddle. Two more guesses.” 

Charming looked about him in surprise. Had the Fairy 
deceived him? Was she a wicked witch after all? “Pea Soup,” 
he cried, his head in a whirl. 

“ Wrong again,” laughed the King with a merry roar. The 
jailor jangled the keys and made ready to lock up Charm- 
ing for the rest of his natural life. Charming thought for 
a while, his brain swimming. He hadn’t listened to the riddle, 
so sure had he been of the answer. At last he said in 
desperation. 

“Give it up.” 

A great shout rent the silence. “Hurrah!” Even the King 
threw his crown up into the air, and broke his sceptre on 
the mahogany table, and shouted for joy. Charming had 
guessed correctly. The answer was “ Give it up.” 

Everybody kissed Charming and wished him joy. The 


14 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

Princess Fatinelia was re- 
leased from her cell, and fell 
around her rescuer’s neck 
shedding real tears of hap- 
piness. She had been locked 
up for just eighteen weary 
years, and was glad to mix 
in society again. 

“ Take her, she is yours,” 
cried the King. Then he 
added in a whisper. “ I’m 
glad to get rid of her. She 
was a big expense to me and 
these little tournaments in 
her honor were getting to 
be somewhat of a bore.” 

He rapped with what re- 
mained of the sceptre, and 
ordered dinner, and the 
whole court sat down and ate a dozen indigestible courses, 
and drank champagne until it gave them real pain. Charming 
toasted the Princess, and all went merry as a marriage bell, 
which was the merriest thing the poet Byron could think of. 

Then the Princess went to her room to get ready for the 
wedding, while the King telephoned for a taxicab to call and 
get the happy couple to the station in time for the 5.27 train. 



THE PRINCESS FELL AROUND HIS NECK 


IS 


The Adventures of Fatinella 

An hour later Charming was still waiting for his Princess. 

“Does it always take her so long to dress?” he asked. 

“ Oh yes,” replied the merry monarch. “ If a woman could 
change her clothes as quickly as she does her mind, this 
would be a delightful world.” 

He rang the electric button and the maid of honor appeared. 

“ Tell the Princess,” said the King, “ to hurry. Prince 

Charming is getting impatient.” 

“ The Princess has been gone for over half an hour,” said 
the maid of honor in a tone of real surprise. 

“Gone?” 

“Yes. In the taxicab. Was not the Prince with her?” 

" No, he has been waiting here. What can it mean ? ” 

A hurried search was made through the castle and it was 
discovered at last, by a note which the Princess Fatinella had 
left on her dressing table, that she had run away with the 
Chief Riddle Editor, for whom she had always had a 
puzzling fondness. 

“ Well, my boy , I congratulate you ! ” said the King. “ It 
was a lucky escape for you!” and falling upon the Prince’s 
bosom he shed tears of joy and grief,— about half and half. 
So poor Charming had to begin all over again. 


Tfk PRINCE GET3 




INTO 



CHAPTER III. 

P RINCE CHARMING, in order to make up for the time 
he had lost, geared up his seven league boots, turned 
the lever on full, and strode away. The country seemed like 
a streak so fast did he go, and he began to enjoy his trip 
very much indeed. All at once he heard a shrill whistle 
and a voice called stop. 

“I wonder if that means me,” thought the Prince. He 
shut off the power from his boots, put on the brakes, and 
instantly stood stock still. Before him stood the funniest look- 
ing fellow he had ever seen. He had a face like a baboon, 
a beard like a billy goat, and a fur coat like polar bear. 
The Prince knew at once it was an “ Ictopu,” not that he 
had ever seen one, for all the Ictopus in his country were 
dead, but he had once seen a picture of one on a post-card 
advertising the “Ictopu Brand” of Baking Powder or some- 
thing like that. The creature had on a policeman’s cap and 
star, and so the Prince knew he had to be polite. 

“Did you call?” he asked. 

16 


\ 


The Prince Gets into Trouble 


17 


“Oi did thot,” replied the Ictopu with a familiar brogue. 
“I’m the captain av the perlice foorce, an I arrist yez fer 
scorchin.” 

“Why,” said the poor prince, “my boots are only geared 
to seven leagues.” 

“ Thot’s too fast,” said the Ictopu. “ Six leagues is the limit 
without a special permit from the perlice department. Come 
along with me.” 

Without allowing Charming to say a word in self defense 
he seized him by the arm and dragged him before Ogre 
Bugug, who made his home at the Police Station. 

“Oh, what shall I do?” thought the Prince in despair. 
“ There is nothing like this in the old Fairy tales.” 

After a long walk they reached the station house, where 
they found the magistrate giving a deaf man a hearing. Ogre 
Bugug was a disagreeable old fellow with a green face and 
neglected teeth. He had never been to a dentist in his life, 
which was certainly careless. He had once been a wild ogre 
and lived in an enchanted castle, but had been caught by 
Jack the Giant-Killer, and while not entirely subdued, he was 
tame enough to be a magistrate. 

“What has the prisoner done?” shouted Bugug when he 
saw the Prince. 

“ Speeding, your Honor,” replied the Ictopu. “ He was 
going seven leagues a second, and never a horn to warn 
pedestrians.” 


18 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“Aha! a scorcher!” growled the reformed ogre. “Give him 
three weeks in solitary confinement.” 

“ But I’m Prince Charming, the only son of King Hulla- 
balloo,” said the prisoner with 
pride. 

“ So much the worse,” shouted 
Bugug. “ We’ll make it six weeks,” 
and the Prince was carried off by 
force — by the entire force in fact, 
for the Ictopu was the 
only active policeman 
in the Kingdom. First, 
however, the ogre took 
away his boots and 
magic cap so that he 
could not escape. 

Down four flights 
of dark steps, one turn 
to the right and 
another to the left 
brought them to the 
grated door, opening 
into a very gloomy room, and Charming was thrown in as 
though he were the son of a knave instead of King. 

Oh, dear, what a terrible thing it was to be locked up in 
that dark cell in a still darker cellar, with nothing to eat 




CHARMING IS BROUGHT BEFORE THE OGRE 


The Prince Gets into 'Trouble 


19 


but bread and water, and with rats for company ! There was 
no use in crying, for no one would have heard him and 
unless one has a good audience, crying is a useless waste 
of time and tears. Charming sat with his head in his hands, 
wondering what the old heroes would have done in such a 
predicament. There was a small candle in a candle-stick on 
the table — the only thing that cast any light on the subject. 

After an hour of loneliness, the Prince began to amuse 
himself by emptying his pockets, and presently found the 
gold four-leaf-clover his mother had given him. Perhaps if 
he rubbed it something would happen. He had read of such 
cases. Fairy tale heroes often found help by rubbing rings 
and other magic articles. He rubbed it carefully while he 
prayed, “ O good Fairy Papillion, come and help your poor 
god-child.” 

He had hardly spoken before the wick began to glow. A 
soft 16-candle-power light spread through the gloomy cell, and 
from the very center of the floor he saw arise a beautiful 
figure like a butterfly with glistening wings. Gradually it 
took the form of a lovely little woman, who said in the 
sweetest voice : 

“Who calls me? I am the Fairy Papillion.” 

“ 0, dear Fairy Papillion, I’m so glad you’ve come,” said 
the boy eagerly. “ Don’t you know me? I’m Prince Charming.” 

“ My, how you’ve grown since I saw you last,” said the 
Fairy, while she, too, kept growing until she was about four 


20 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

feet eight, the usual height for Fairies. “But what are you 
doing here ? ” 

The Prince told the Fairy everything. “ I’m so sorry I got 
caught,” he sobbed. “ I’ll never do it again.” 

“ Getting caught is serious,” said the Fairy. “ Well, never 
mind, accidents will happen, especially when you try for the 
first time to save enchanted Princesses with nothing but an 
F. C. S. experience.” 

“ Some one has got to save them,” said the Prince, “ or 
there wouldn’t be any Fairy Tales. But how can I save myself? ” 

“ By flying out, my dear,” said the Fairy. 

“But how? I have no flying machine.” 

“ Come, I’ll show you how,” cried the Fairy. She tapped 
him on the back with her wand, and before he knew it, wings 
had begun to sprout between his shoulder blades, and he 
commenced soaring about. It was as easy as swimming. 

“ Very good,” said the Fairy. “ You’re doing splendidly. 
Keep it up. Good bye. If you need me, just say Simsolerim- 
bimbaselamidusseldolirim ! ” 

As she pronounced the magic word, Fairy Papillion disappeared 
through the floor as she had come, leaving a beautiful perfume 
behind her, while Charming, stretching his wings, flew out of 
the little window of his cell into the open air. 

It was delightful to be able to fly after being kept in such a 
dark place. The Prince flapped his wonderful wings and flew 
hither and thither like a big bird. He peered into all the 


The Prince Gets into Trouble 


21 



' bushes and looked into every castle 
window in hopes of finding some poor 
princess in need of help. He com- 
posed a nice speech which he meant 
to make when he found her, such as, 

1 Dear Princess, will you fly with 
me and be my own little birdie ? ” 
But nowhere could „ ; 
he find anybody in * 

need of help. Once he v. 

heard a sound under 
a tree as of some one 
sobbing for help. “ At 
last ! ” he thought, and flew 
in the direction of the 
sound, but it was only a '% 
baby dragon that had got lost and was calling £ 
its mother. 

So the hours and the Prince flew on, 
and the world seemed very bright and 
cheerful. Had Charming looked behind 
him, he would have been less happy, 
for flying only a few 
feet away was old 
Dame Gadzooks, as 
mean an old witch as 


THE FAIRY APPEARS 



22 


The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

ever lived. King Cole kept her in his kingdom principally to 
frighten naughty children with, and at that sort of thing she was a 
great success. Parents would say to their children, “ If you 
don’t behave, I’ll call Dame Gadzooks,” and naturally they would 
be as good as gold. She had never met a real Prince in her 
life, and as soon as she saw the boy she knew by his clothes, 
and the ease with which he flew, that he must be different from 
ordinary boys, so she made up her mind to catch him, and eat 
him as soon as he got plump enough, for it is a rule with 
witches never to eat thin children. 

Now the way to catch a flying bird is to put salt on its wing 
or tail feathers, and the witch knew that a flying prince may be 
caught in the same way. She flew steadily behind him for a mile 
or two, and suddenly scattered a few pinches of a special kind of 
salt right on his slender wings. In a moment they shriveled 
up to nothing, like a spider on a red-hot shovel, and as there 
was nothing to keep him up, the poor Prince began to fall, 
fall, fall, at a terrible pace, with the witch following close behind. 

“ If I only had a parachute,” thought the prince as he sank, 
but you see he had neglected to bring one along, and was now 
suffering for his neglect. As the wise poet remarked : 

“Of all sad words of tongue or pen, 

The saddest are these, It might have been.” 

“Hahal” laughed the witch as he went down, and still further 
down. The poor lad shrieked, and thought of Fairy Papillion 
and the word she had told him to say, but he could remember 



The Prince Gets into Trouble 23 

only the first two syllables, “ Simsol — ” but they were useless 
without the other twelve. Falling through the air is not half 
sq pleasant as flying, as any balloonist 
can tell you. To save his life, the Prince 
could not remember 
whether any Fairy Tale 
heroes had been 
in such a fix, 
or what they 
for it if they 0P 
There must be a 
magic way of preventing the 
law of gravitation from pulling you down, 
but if you can’t think of it at the right 
moment, what good does it do ? 

By this time Prince Charming was 
very tired of the business of rescuing 
captive princesses, and with all his 
heart wished he was back at the Hullaballoo castle, helping his 
mother eat bread and honey in the kitchen. 

At length he reached the ground, right in the witch’s back 
yard, and Dame Gadzooks pounced on him and held him fast. 

“ Oho I ” she cried with an ugly leer. “ My pretty boy ! So I’ve 
got a real prince at last. I’ll fatten you and eat you next Thanks- 
giving Day.” 

“ That will be like Hansel and Grethel,” thought the Prince, 



THE PRINCE IS PURSUED 


2+ The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

and at once he remembered how easily they managed to escape, 
by simply shoving that witch into the bake-oven. After that he 
wasn’t a bit afraid. He knew he’d get away somehow. That’s 
the advantage of knowing your fairy tales by heart. 

“Come now,” shouted the old hag. “Get to work. You’ll 
have to chop wood and fatten my pigs for me, and if you don’t do 
your duty, I’ll let you feel the switch. Oho ! you’ll soon learn 
witch is switch.” The old woman was so pleased with her pun 
that she said “Oho!” several times, and the Prince, being very 
polite, laughed too, but he didn’t feel very happy for all that. 
So Prince Charming was put to work for the first time in his life, 
and to tell the truth he did not like it at all. After a whole day of 
drudgery Charming felt tired and hungry. 

“ Here’s your dinner ” cried the old hag; “ a fine mess of eels. 
There’s a good deal of nourishment in a good eel, and they will 
make you fat. Oho, Oho 1 ” Whenever she said “ Oho ! ” which 
was her favorite expression of joy, she grinned horribly, and her 
only tooth showed like a white milestone in the entrance of a 
dark cavern. 

“ I could stand everything ” thought Charming, “ if she only 
wouldn’t make such horrible puns.” After a while she turned her 
back and began to cook her own dinner in a big cauldron, while 
she sang in a cracked voice “ Double, Double, Toil and Trouble,” 
which she must have read somewhere in Shakespeare. 

The witch had a monkey, a very intelligent animal, which had 
been sleeping with one eye open under the table. It now crawled 


The Prince Gets into Trouble 25 

out and said to Charming in a whisper, “ Do you want to escape, 
Prince ? ” 

“ I should think so,” answered Charming. “ But how ? Can 
you help me?” 

“ Easily ; all you have to do is to jump astride old Gadzooks 
broom in the corner, say ‘ Higgledy-piggledy,’ and you fly right 
out of the window.” 

“ No monkey business?” asked Charming. 

“ Oh no ” replied the monkey. “ Honor bright ! ” 

With a bound Charming was astride the broom. “ Higgledy. 
piggledy” he cried, and before the astounded witch had time to 
turn, he was off like a flash. 

In vain the witch cursed and said “ Oho! ” in angry tones ; the 
prince flew off as though on the swiftest horse. The broom had a 
habit of m-ov|ng by jerks, which was a little uncomfortable, but 
anything was better than old Mrs. Gadzooks’ company. 

The monkey, who was really a man who had been turned into 
an ape by the cruel witch, sat in the corner and laughed, while the 
witch wept in anger at having lost the only Prince she had ever 
had in her clutches. But all her wailing did no good, for without 
her broom, a witch is as helpless as any other old woman, only 
more disagreeable. So for a long time she stood at the window 
and watched the Prince disappear, and smacked her lips when 
she thought what a good Thanksgiving dinner she had lost. 

Then she took the monkey by the neck and gave him such a 
whack with her cane that he cried out with pain, and promised 


26 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

never to help any more princes to escape. He kept his promise 
too, because a week later the witch, unable to get another broom, 
was obliged to out of the witchcraft business. She opened up a 
fortune-telling establishment on Main Street, and made lots of 
money telling people things that never came to pass, while the 
monkey got a good job at the Zoological Garden until Dr. Darwin 
came and turned him into a man. 




CHAPTER IV. 


pRINCE^CHARMING traveled on his broom-stick express 
for about an hour, and landed right in front of the castle of 
Old King Cole. He could hear music through the open windows, 
but whether it was the fiddlers three that usually played before the 
King, or a phonograph, he could not tell. It was bad enough to 
be almost anything. Prince Charming knew from his road map 
that there was a princess kept in captivity in that castle. Also that 
King Cole was very suspicious of strangers. The question was, 
how to get to that princess. He had a brilliant idea. Armed with 
the witch’s broom, he could give himself out as a stableman, or ask 
for a position in the cleaning department. The plan was sure to 
work. It is so easy to fool Kings in Fairyland. With wonderful 
courage in one so young, the Prince seized the knocker and gave 
it a double rap, and called loudly, “ Hi there ! open the portal to 
an honest sweeper who seeks work 1 ” 

The Portcullis was at once lowered, a guard, armed to the teeth, 
with a full suit of papier-mache armor, probably borrowed from 
some museum or costumer, opened the gate and led the brave 

27 


28 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

youth to where the King sat on his throne. He was surrounded 
by his courtiers, his pages, his soothsayers, and other members of 
the Royal family. His fiddlers three sat in front of him playing 

“ After the Ball ” very 
badly indeed. King Cole 
was a jolly old soul and 
laughed at every thing and 
every body. His motto 
was laugh and grow fat, 
and he weighed nearly 
tnree hundred pounds. He 
had been taking 
some anti-fat medi- 
cine recently that 

was advertised in 
the Daily Braga- 
docia, but as soon as he 
lost a pound he was so 
happy over his loss that he 
gained two, so the medi- 
cine was worse than 

useless. 

“Ha!” cried the merry monarch, “What seeks this fellow 
here?” 

“ A place in the Royal White-wings department,” answered 
Charming. 



f^r~ 

MAN 
WANTED 


AN HONEST SWEEPER SEEKS WORK 


29 


The Prince Arrives in King s Cole Panel 

The King mused for a while. “ How would you like to clean 
out the stable ? ” he asked. 

“ Just what I want,” answered Charming. “ Ever since my 
cousin, Hercules, cleaned out the Augean stable, I have been 
eager to see what I could do.” 

“ Well,” laughed the King, “ you are a rather handsome fellow 
for that kind of work, but the best is none too good for me. Get 
to work ! It’s the dirtiest stable you ever saw. Pompey, take him 
out to the barn.” Then King Cole called for his pipe and his 
bowl and began to smoke and drink. 

The stable really was a sight. In it the King kept the Cat that 
had been to London to see the Queen, the Cow with the 

crumpled horn, the Cow that jumped over the moon, and the 

Little Dog that laughed to see the sport, also the White Horse 
that carried the Lady to Banbury Cross, and the Pig that would 
not jump over the stile; and as the stablemen had struck for 

higher wages and shorter hours a month ago, the litter was some- 

thing indescribable. 

“ Oh dear, what a mess ! ” sighed the Prince. “ I wish I had 
never learned the trade.” He began to apply the broom vigorously, 
when suddenly he heard a sound like a sob. He listened. It 
seemed to come from above, — no, from below, — no, from the left, — 
or perhaps from the right. At last he found a little locked door 
in the side of the stable, fastened with a Yale lock. One blow 
from the broom handle broke the lock and the door flew open, 
and Charming found himself in a sort of dungeon in which the 


30 


The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

poor princess was kept captive. She was as surprised to see him 
as he was to see her. It was in fact a real surprise party without 
the usual refreshments. 

The Princess, whose name was Fi-fi, and who had beautiful 
blonde hair, and a sad, sweet smile, took him by the hand and 
bade him welcome. “ So you are the man who is to sweep out 
the stable,” she said softly. “ Goodness knows it needs it. While 
you are about it you might give this dungeon a little cleaning 
too. It hasn’t been dusted since I was brought here six years 
ago.” 

“ Oh, dearest Fi-fi, haven’t you guessed?” asked the Prince, as 
he sank on his knees before her. “ I’m not a cleaner at all, but 
Prince Charming, the only son of King Hullaballoo, and I’ve 
come to save you. You want to be saved, don’t you ? ” 

“Oh yes I More than anything in the world,” sighed the 
Princess. “ But how will you do it ? The gates are all guarded 
by armed men, and a Dinosaurus is chained in the back yard.” 

“ Trust in me, dear Fi-fi. I’ll tell you a secret. My broom is 
an aeroplane in disguise. Once on it, say Higgledy-piggledy, and 
you will fly with ease.” 

Her beautiful eyes beamed on him as she got astride the broom. 
“ Good-bye, dear Prince,” said Fi-fi sweetly. Then she murmured 
Higgledy-piggledy, and the broom began to move toward the 
window. 

“ Wait for me,” exclaimed the Prince. “ I’m going too.” 

“ Oh no, dear. I’m afraid the broom won’t hold two. It’s such 



PRINCE CHARMING MEETS THE WITCH 















' 


















































































































> 





















































- 









































































31 


The Prince Arrives in King Cole's Land 

a small thin broom. 
They make them 
stronger nowadays. 
Besides, I prefer to 
go alone.” 

“But see Here,” 
argued the Prince, “ I 
came to rescue you 
and marry you. It’s 
the way in the Fairy 
books you know.” 

“ I’m sorry to throw any doubt on the 
Fairy books,” whispered Fi-fi with her 
sad, sweet smile, “ but I’m going to 
marry Prince Tulip of Dinkey land. 
We’ve been engaged for over thirty 
years. Take care you don’t get your 
pretty clothes soiled in the stable, and 
don’t go too near the dog. He bites. Good bye, dear.” 

She waved her soft, white hand, turned the speed lever a little 
further, and sailed out of the window, leaving the Prince behind 
in tears ! 

“ Oh dear, what shall I do ? ” he cried. “ Nothing seems to 
happen as it did in the days of old.” 

After a while the King sent Gog, his Prime Minister, over to the 
stable to see how the new man was getting along, for he said, 



“GOOD BYE, DEAR.” 


32 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ While a new broom usually sweeps clean, a new man needs 
watching.” Gog found him in tears, but the broom and the 
Princess were both elsewhere. 

“Well,” cried Gog the Prime Minister ferociously. “What’s 
this ? Nothing done yet ? And the secret door opened ? Where’s 
Fi-fi?” 

“ She’s gone,” cried the Prince. “ Gone to marry Prince 
Tulip.” 

“ Whatl ” roared Gog. “ You’ve allowed her to escape. Do you 
know the penalty for this act ? ” Charming said he didn’t know, 
but he had an idea it was something pretty bad. 

“ One year in the torture chamber,” cried Gog, “ although 
most people die after the first week. Come to his Majesty ! ” 
Gog seized the poor culprit by the collar and dragged him be- 
fore the King. 

When his Majesty heard what had happened, his anger was 
worth coming many miles to see. He turned green and yellow 
with rage, (green and yellow were the Royal colors). He 
waved his sceptre, gnashed his teeth, and jumped from his 
throne with such force that he broke three of the springs in 
the seat. 

“ What ! ” he cried, *.* Fi-fi escaped ? My own sweet Fi-fi, 
whom I meant to marry as soon as she had got used to me. 
What shall I do? What shall I do?” 

Charming was about to suggest that he might advertise in 
the Daily Bragadocia for another captive princess, when the 


The Prince Arrives in King Cole's Land 33 

King cried in growing anger, “ Take him away. Down to the 
torture chamber in the lowest depths of the castle.” 

They dragged Charming through several miles of underground 
subways, threw him into a cell, and left him to his fate. At 
this rate he would soon get used to prisons. 

The Prince found the torture chamber different from what he 
had expected. It was a small room, but not at all dismal, and 
he thought that he might be able to hold out until the end of 
his sentence. But he soon found out his mistake, for every day 
a new kind of torture was introduced, each more horrible than 
the one before. 

On the third day, for instance, he had to listen to the music of 
a pianola. It played only one piece — The Merry Skiddo Waltz — 
and as the instrument was out of tune, the misery the Prince 
endured was awful. The next day a purple goblin with a cracked 
voice came and read over a thousand jokes from Punch. At first 
Charming laughed a little, but the jokes grew worse and worse 
until he swooned away in agony. The next day they opened a 
tube in the wall, and through this he heard the hideous noises 
of the great city, and the rumble and roar of the elevated and 
subway trains, the clanging and rattling of the trolley cars, the 
honking and tooting of automobiles, and a thousand other terrible 
sounds, and they almost made him deaf. And so for over a 
week the style of torture was changed daily, and Charming felt 
that he could not hold out much longer. 

How could he escape? What would Jack the Giant Killer 


34 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

have done in a similar fix? He might cut off the head of the 
next intruder, or overpower him and cast him into the castle 
moat, or flatter him into killing himself. Those were all good 
ways, at least in the story books, but in reality they were not so 
easy to do. There was another way so simple that Charming 
wondered why he hadn’t thought of it before. 

That evening when Gog, the Prime Minister, came as usual 
with the supper, a nice piece of hard bread and a sparkling tin 
cup of water, the Prince crouched behind the door. As soon as 
the Prime Minister was well in the cell, Charming shot out, and 
slamming the door, made his jailer a prisoner. A turn of the key 
in the lock, and the deed was complete. 

“ Ha ha,” laughed the Prince through the key hole. 

“ Let me out,” cried the Prime Minister, “ or I’ll break every 
bone in your body.” 

“ You’ll have to catch me first,” said Charming. “ Give my 
love to his Majesty, and his Majesty’s mother-in-law, and his 
fiddlers three, and all the rest of the royal family.” 

In vain Gog pounded and threatened. He could not escape. 
Charming went down the path to the left, and then to the right, 
and up three flights of stairs to the garden. “ What they need is 
an elevator,” he said. “ When I get to be King I’ll introduce 
some needed prison reforms. Prisons are anything but a pleasure 
nowadays.” 

When he was out in the street, he wondered which way to go 
in order to escape from King Cole’s country, for to tell the truth 


The Prince Arrives in King Cole's Land 


35 



he was heartily sick of the adventures he had had up till now, 
and felt sure that King Bunko, whose land lay ten miles further 
north, would give him a friendlier reception. 

On a tree he saw a sign which read : “ Escaped Prisoners take 
the left-hand path.” 

“ How kind of them,” said Charming, “ to point out the way.” 
But on thinking it over, he wasn’t so sure that it was a kindness — - 
rather a kind of unkindness, for said he, “ If I take the left it 
may not be right, whereas if I take the right, I may be left. How- 
ever, as two rights don’t make a wrong any more than two 
wrongs make a right, I’ll turn to the right twice and risk it.” 

He had gone about the length of three city blocks, and had 
reached the edge of a dense forest in which ham-trees, axletrees, 
and whiffletrees grew in bewildering profusion, when he heard 
a terrible growling behind him. He turned around and saw a 
sight that made his hair stand on end. 


36 


The Strange Adventures of Trince Charming 

His escape had no doubt been discovered, for the Dinosaurus 
which King Cole kept chained in the back yard had been sent 
out after him. Now a Dinosaurus, as anyone knows who has had 
anything to do with the animal, is not a pleasant beast even when 
in good humor, and is doubly disagreeable when it is hungry for 
a mouthful of princely flesh. It is a lucky thing that most of 
its family were killed off by the flood, and that it is usually to 
be found a fossil in rocks where it can’t do much harm. How 
this one managed to survive, I cannot tell, but there it was, 
tearing after Charming at the rate of a mile a minute, with its 
mouth wide open, and its tail up in the air. 

It was its very speed which saved Charming and became the 
cause of its own destruction, for the Prince suddenly darted be- 
hind a large rock, and the gigantic beast, unable to stop in its 
mad flight, plunged right into a river which flowed half a mile 
further on, and being unable to swim, and too clumsy to crawl 
out, it sank to the bottom, and will no doubt some day turn into 
a fossil and be exhibited in a museum of Natural History. It 
will serve the beast just right, and I for one think that it is 
the only place where a Dinosaurus should show himself. 

Charming’s troubles were not yet over. The rock behind 
which he had hidden formed the entrance to a cave, and the 
Prince, fell headlong down a sharp decline to the bottom. What 
was his fright when he found himself looking into the eyes of a 
big brown bear. And, if it must be told, the bear was just as 
much scared as Charming, for he first thought it was a goblin, 


The Prince Arrives in King Cole's hand 37 

and as he had never heard of a goblin, he was terribly 
frightened. 

“ I beg your pardon,” said the Prince politely. “ I didn’t mean 
to fall on you so suddenly.” 

“ Don’t mention it,” said the other just as politely, “ I’ll try to 
bear with your company for a while.” 

“ Then you won’t eat me up ? ” asked Charming. 

“ Certainly not,” said the bear. “ The Doctor has forbidden 
my eating meat because it makes me nervous. I live principally 
on great-nuts, malted 
horn-flakes, and other 
advertised health 
foods.” 

“ Would you mind 
telling me who you 
are?” asked the 
Prince, knowing how 
fond most bears were 
of talking about them- 
selves. 

“ I’m Bruin,” said 
the bear, “ the original 
father of all the Teddy 
Bears. You may have 
heard of me.” 

“ Why certainly, I 




CHARMING MEETS BRUIN 


38 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

know your whole family,” said Charming, now feeling entirely 
at his ease. “ You are the Bear at whose house Golden Locks 
slept that night.’ 

“ Exactly. Dear little Golden Locks, I felt so sorry she ran away 
just as we were beginning to enjoy her society. I am also the bear 
in Beauty and the Beast.” 

“ Why, I heard that he had been changed back into a Prince.” 

“ Oh no. That was just an invention of Mr. Grimm, who wrote 
my biography. It sounded better in the Fairy Tale. Now who 
are you, if I may ask?” 

Charming told his sad story. 

“ Well, well, boys will be boys,” said Bruin. “ But you must 
he hungry. What will you have for supper ? ” 

For a vegetarian, the bear set a very nice table. The principal 
dishes were eggs and honey and shredded malt cake, and they 
tasted very nice to Charming, who was hungry after his long 
imprisonment. 

Then Bruin made up a couch of straw for the Prince, and 
covered him up with a big woolly rug, which he said was all that 
remained to remind him of poor Mrs. Bruin, who lost her life a 
year or so ago by accidentally getting in the way of a bullet fired 
at her by some King or President. 

Charming slept very well indeed, and dreamed that the bear and 
the Dinosaurus were dancing a waltz while the three fiddlers of 
old King Cole were playing the music of The Merry Skiddo. 


nr 


Sfe ADVENTURES »>m 

PUSSINBQDT, 


r\ 


CHAPTER V. 

1WTEXT DAY the Prince continued his travels. His path lay 
d- ^ along the Aqua River ( which as you know, if you've ever 
studied Fairy Geography, runs through the land of Weissnichtwo), 
and he felt very, very sad. 

“ I wonder how it is,” he said to himself, “ that nothing happens 
to me as it ought to. All the heroes that I ever read about found 
things just as they expected, and always met a good fairy ready to 
help them out of trouble, whereas I — Oh, what’s this coming ? ” 
He looked in surprise, for the new comer, while it looked like a 
little boy from a distance, was really a big cat with a great pair of 
boots on. 

“ How are you Prince ? ” said the cat cheerfully. “ Don’t you 
know me? I’m Puss in Boots. You’ve surely heard of me, and 
my master, the Marquis of Carabas.” 

“ Oh, of course,” replied the Prince with a smile. “ Everybody 
knows about you.” 

“ I should hope so,” replied the cat. “ I’m the one that made 
the B. L. Bugless $3.50 shoes famous, but I’ve since changed my 

39 



40 The Strange Adventures of “Prince Charming 

brand and now wear only the ‘Stalk-under’ $3.00 hand-sewed 
welt and reinforced straps. The best boot for the price in the 
market, with money refunded if the 
welt wears out before the sole.” 

“ How perfectly lovely!” exclaimed 
the Prince. “ How is your master, 
the Marquis, and his wife ? ” 

The cat turned his eyes up, then 
down, then twirled his mustache 
and pursed his mouth as though in 
doubt as to whether he should tell all 
he knew. At length he asked, “ Can 
you keep a secret?” 

“ To be sure. Keeping secrets is 
my specialty,” replied the Prince. 

“ Cross your heart? ” asked Puss. 

“ Honor Bright ! ” replied the 
Prince. 

“ Well then,” and the cat drew 
nearer till his mustache tickled 
Charming’s ear, and whispered, 
“ They’re not at all happy.” 

‘‘Indeed, why not?” 

“ Well, you know my master wasn’t a Marquis at all. That was 
a little story of mine. He was only a miller’s son. While he was 
bathing, you remember, I hid his old clothes, and called out to the 



PUSS IN BOOTS 


The Adventures with Puss in Boots 


41 


King and his friends, who were just passing, ‘ My master, the 
Marquis of Carabas, is drowning I ’ The king sent his men to pull 
him out, and brought him fine clothing, and took him home in 
their 6 cylinder, 45 horse-power touring-car. Next day my master 
married the princess.” 

“ Yes, I remember. Go on I ” 

“ Well,” said Puss, “ my master never quite forgot his plebian 
habits. He eats with his knife, pours coffee into his saucer and 
tucks his napkin under his collar.” 

“ How awfully shocking ! ” cried the Prince with a shudder. 

“ Then, too, he swears just like a miller.” 

“ Do millers swear differently from other people ? ” asked the 
Prince. 

“Bless you, yesl When a miller says ‘Dam,’ he means the 
water-course that runs his mill — so he has to use a stronger word 
when he is in a temper.” 

“ You mean out of temper,” corrected Prince Charming. “ Go 
on.” 

“ His wife is peculiar too, but what can you expect from a prin- 
cess who is taken in by such a silly story as the one I invented for 
the Marquis of Carabas?” Then after a pause Puss asked, 
“ What can I do for you, Prince ? I shall be happy to serve you.” 

“ Well,” said Charming, “ You see I am out trying to find a 
Princess to save and to marry. So far I’ve had no luck at all. 
Perhaps you can help me.” 

“ Why of course I can. I know the very thing for you. There’s 


42 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

Princess Melissande, the daughter of King Joco of Bohemia. She 
was captured by a band of gipsies some years ago, and has since 
been kept chained in a cavern in the forest over yonder. They 
call her the Bohemian Girl, and she’s known for her beautiful 
voice and the way she sings, ‘ I dreamed that I dwelt in marble 
halls.’ She’s been singing that song for years and all the people 
round about know it by heart.” 

“ That’s very interesting,” said Charming, “ but how can I get 
to her?” 

“ Nothing easier. We’ll go to the forest at once. Turn your 
coat inside out and make a noise like a gipsy. Ask for a night’s 
shelter in camp. When the gipsies are asleep, I’ll steal into the 
cave and unfasten the chains that bind the poor girl. When I 

you the signal, namely three scratches 
my left paw on my right ear, you 
enter the cave and carry her off.” 

But if we fail ? ” asked Charming, 
trembling with excitement. 

“ Fail ? ” said the cat with 
contempt. “Young man, 
in the bright lexicon of fairy land, there is no such word as fail.” 

“ I don’t know about that,” answered Charming. “ It seems to 
be the regular thing with me.” 

“Courage” said the cat. “ Follow me,” and he ran on ahead. 

It was the easiest thing imaginable to get into the gipsies’ camp. 
They seemed to expect the Prince, and before he was there ten 



The Adventures with Puss in Boots 


43 



minutes, they had told his fortune, read his palm, and had taken 
all his money and his gold scarf pin. Charming never felt so 
thoroughly at home as he did with this genial band. 

Every now and then the Bohemian Girl in the cave could be 
heard clanging her chains and singing, “ I dreamed that I dwelt 
in marble halls,” in a way that would have brought tears to the 
eyes of any opera-goer. The song began thus : 

“I dreamed that I dwelt in marble halls, 

’Twas cold and the steam pipes had busted. 


44 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

The icicles hung on the whitewashed walls 
In vain in the plumber we’d trusted.” 

“ How she must suffer,” thought Charming, “ but ner troubles 
will soon be over, and with me as her husband, she will forget the 
awful past.” 

Supper around the camp fire with the jolly gipsies was a very 
enjoyable affair. Most of the eatables had just been taken from 
the neighboring farmyards an hour before, and were strictly fresh. 

“ We don’t like canned vegetables,” explained the Gipsy Chief. 
“We take our food as we find it.’ 

Puss in Boots took no part in the supper, but was playing 
Puss-in-the-corner all to himself, and pretending to be sleeping. 
Suddenly he arose cautiously and went into the darkness. 

“ He is going to release the Princess,” thought Charming. 
After singing and dancing for an hour or two, the Gipsies wrapped 
themselves up in their blankets and were soon asleep. Charming 
waited for Puss to give the signal that all was ready, but Puss 
came not. Something was wrong. The hours flew by and yet 
Puss did not return. Had the cat met with an accident ? Unable 
to bear the suspense any longer, Charming crept out on dp-toe 
and went towards the cave, where he could still hear the poor 
captive clanging her chains and singing in a low, sad, monotonous 
voice. 

He had not gone far before he heard a faint “ Meow.” It was 
Puss. But where? It was so dark that one couldn’t see one’s hair 
behind one’s head. 


The Adventures with Puss in Boots 


45 


“ Puss, where are you ? ” whispered Charming. 

“ Here,” said Puss. “ Pm caught in a trap by my tail and can’t 
get out.” 

“ But how did it happen? ” 

“ I could a tale unfold,” said Puss, “ if I could only unfold my 
own tail. You see, just as I was going to release the Bohemian 
Girl, a mouse ran across my path — such a delicious, juicy-looking 
mouse ! I ran after her right into this trap. Please get me out.” 

Charming with some difficulty opened the trap and released his 
friend and together they went to the cave. 

“ Now,” said the cat, “ I’ll go in and undo the chains, and 
when she staggers out, catch her in your arms, lift her on the 
Chief’s horse, which is tied to that telegraph pole over yonder, 
and bear her off as quickly as you can. I’ll join you later down 
by the river.” 

The brave cat crept into the cave, and Charming heard the 
creaking of rusty locks and the falling of the chains. His heart 
beat fast ! At last success seemed in his grasp 

The Princess came out slowly and cautiously, and Charming 
put his arms lovingly about her. 

“ Fear not, lovely Melissande ! It is I, Prince Charming, your 
future husband,” he whispered. 

“ Oh I’m so glad,” she replied. “ I’ve waited for you so long ; 
more than fifty years.” 

Suddenly there was a great noise. The gipsies had awakened 
and were coming to the cave. They carried torches and lanterns. 


46 The Strange Adventures of Trince Charming 

Charming seized a stout stick. He meant to defend his 
Princess with his life if necessary. 

“ Come on,” he cried bravely, “ I fear you not ! Melissande 

shall be mine.” 

“To be sure,” re- 
plied the Chief. “ We 
congratulate you! 
We’ve been waiting 
for years for some one 
' to take her off our 
hands. Ever since 
Balfe, the composer, 
wrote that song for 
her, she’s made our 
We had to chain her up 
If you can only remove 
her vocal chords, she’ll make you a splen- 
did wife. She’s old enough to know 
better.” 

Charming grasped a torch and holding 
it before Melissande’s features, looked at her. Ye gods and 
little fishes ! — What a face ! She was at least sixty-five, weighed 
265 pounds, and was as ugly as a — well it’s hard to say just how 
ugly she was. 

“ I beg your pardon,” said Charming, confused. “ I’m afraid 
I’ve made a mistake. It was all the cat’s fault,” and dashing down 



lives a burden, 
in self defense. 


“COME ON,” HE CRIED 



The Adventures with Puss in Boots 


47 


the torch, he fled through the forest as fast as his legs could carry 
him, while far behind he heard the shrieking of the princess and 
the laughter of the gipsies. 

When he was too tired to run tarther, he sat down to rest. 
Presently he heard the voice of Puss in Boots. 

“ How now, Master! I’m sorry — ” began the cat. 

But Charming was in no humor for conversation. He took the 
cat by the back of the neck, and twirling it around his head, he 
hurled it far out into the Aqua River that flows through the land 
of Weissnichtwo, and as that cat never came back, it is safe to 
assume that its nine lives were lost in the black river that night. 
Then Charming wandered on, sad and dejected, wondering what 
would happen next. 




PRINCE/ MEETS 
RIGOLO THE JESTER. 





CHAPTER VI. 


H E HAD NOT gone far when he heard a loud peal of 
laughter, and looking around he saw upon the grass a jolly 
looking fellow in cap and bells, who waved him a merry welcome. 
“ Hello,” cried Charming. “ Was that laugh yours?” 

“ Yes,” replied the other. “ I should smile. Allow me to 
introduce myself. I’m Rigolo Funniboy, the Jester.” 

Now in Fairy Land no kingly court is complete without a jester, 
and Rigolo was well known all over the world for his wonderful 
wit. He was born with so large a funny bone that people came 
for miles to look at him. While still a boy, he wrote several books 
on “ Wit and Humor,” and often got as much as two golden 
coins for jokes that he sent to the weekly newspapers. He was 
the author of that marvelously funny riddle, “ When is a door 
not a door? When it is a jar!” and several patent medicine 
almanacs were edited by him. Charming was very glad to meet 
him. 

“ I’m sure we shall be friends,” said he. “ Do you know of any 
Princess that wants to be rescued ? ” 


48 


49 


The Prince Meets Rigo/o the Jester 

“Sure Mike!” replied the Jester. (That was a sample of his 
wit ). “ Right over yonder is King Chico’s shanty. There’s a 
lovely Princess dying to be saved.” 

“ Dying,” asked Charming in grieved surprise. 
“ Let’s hasten to her rescue.” 

“ Exactly,” replied the jester, “ dyeing her hair. 

You see she was a blonde 
originally, but that’s no longer 
stylish. Come, I’ll show you 
the way.” 

They crossed a bridge, 
tramped through a forest, 
climbed over a hill, and 
presently came to King 
Chico’s palace. A moment 
later they had reached the 
door, and on sending in their 
cards they were admitted to 
the Royal Presence. King 
Chico and the beautiful Prin- 
cess Dodo sat in the throne roam, and seemed awfully glad to 
see them. Chico had on a new crown which the royal jeweller 
had just brought him, and looked very swell. When the King 
heard that Charming was the son of King Hullaballoo, he was 
greatly pleased. 

“ I whipped your father when he was a boy,” he mumbled. 



THE JESTER 



50 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ That was forty years ago. Well ! Well I It seems but yester- 
day. Dear me, how time flies I And this is the celebrated Rigolo 
Funniboy, the Jokesmith. How often I have laughed at that joke 
of yours, ' When is a nose not a nose ? When it is a little red- 
dish.’ Ha, ha, ha ! It’s the funniest thing I ever heard. It might 
have been a little turn-up, but reddish is better. Ha, ha I Well 
you are both welcome as long as you don’t try to borrow any 
money from me. The royal exchequer is in the hands of a 
receiver. It’s awful to be poor I Princess, see that two extra 
plates are put on the table, and some water is added to the soup. 
We don’t often have such welcome guests for lunch.” 

Charming was delighted with this cordial reception, and cast 
loving eyes at the beautiful princess, wondering how he could 
tear her from the arms of the kingly villain. 

“You’ll have to take pot luck,” said Princess Dodo. “Our 
cook lady left yesterday and we have to do the best we can.” 

“That’s all right,” replied the jester with wonderful wit. “If 
we can’t make both ends meat, we will make one end vegetables.” 

Whereat they all laughed till the tears ran down their faces. 

After dinner, which was really very bad, for the broth was 
salty, and the goulash was burned, and the cake soggy, King 
Chico invited Charming to sit on the newly upholstered throne 
next to Princess Dodo, while Rigolo gave free vent to his won- 
derful wit. How they did laugh. He was such a funny fellow. 
One of his jokes especially, “ Why does a chicken go across the 
street? To get on the other side,” was screamingly funny. 


The Prince Meets Rigolo the Jester 51 

“ I shall split my sides laughing,” said the King when he could 
get his breath. 

“ Then run till you get a stitch in the side,” replied the merry 



THE KING WELCOMES THE PRINCE AND THE JESTER 

jester, and they all had to laugh again until the windows rattled. 
The merriment was at its height when a messenger with a 
blanched face and trembling knees broke into the room. 

“ Your M -m - m - Majesty,” he stuttered. 


52 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ What means this interruption ? ” quoth the king sternly. 
** Can’t you see that we are enjoying ourselves ? ” 

“ Th - th - the - gi - gi-ant.” 

“ This man speaks broken English,” said Rigolo. “ Does he 
always break his word like this ? ” 

“ If you can’t say it, sing it,” thundered the King. 

The messenger, who had a good wheel-barrow-tone of voice, 
thereupon sang, 

“The giant has broke loose again. 

And swallowed up a dozen men.” 

“ What ! ” shouted his majesty. “ Will no one kill the monster? 
I will give the hand of the beautiful Princess Dodo to the man 
who rids my kingdom of the giant Hurdygurdy ! ” 

It was one of the tricks of King Chico to offer the hand of 
Dodo to any one who carried out his wishes, but having a shrewd 
lawyer attached to his court, he always found a way to break his 
contract. Charming didn’t know this, however, and in his 
innocence at once came forward. “ Your Majesty,” he said, “ I 
will slay the giant and claim the princess.” 

“You?” exclaimed the King in surprise. “This giant has 
two heads, and he would eat you alive in just two mouthfuls, one 
for each head.” 

“ I’m not afraid. Give me a sword and some giant powder, 
and let Rigolo come with me to complete the deadly work with 
his wit, and I will sally forth at once.” 

Rigolo sang “ Sally in our Alley ” as the most fitting song for 


The Prince Meets Rigolo the Jester 


53 



“I SHALL SPLIT MY SIDES LAUGHING,” SAID THE KING. 

the occasion, while Charming girded on the King’s sword, and 
tucked away in his pocket a couple of sticks of dynamite which 
had been left over when the workmen were blasting under the 
palace for the new subway. He took a fond leave of the princess, 
kissed the hand that he felt was soon to be his, while Dodo smiled 
through her tears, and so our heroes went forth to conquer or die. 



54 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

The giant Hurdygurdy lived in a cave under the hill two miles 
out of the city near the subway station. Any good police com- 
missioner with half a dozen plain-clothes men could have raided 
the place easily, but so great was the terror the giant inspired that 
no one had the courage to go nearer to the cave than half a mile. 
As Charming and Rigolo drew near they heard the giant singing 
in a voice like thunder, 

“Fa, fo, fe, fi, fum, I feel 
I’m going to get a juicy meal. 

Neither victim will be missed, 

A silly Prince and a humorist.’ ’ 

For a moment, as he heard that voice and those sentiments, 
Charming felt like turning back, but only for a brief moment, 
then his courage returned. 

“ Come,” said Rigolo, “ be worthy of your family name of 
Hullaballoo ! Be a man ! Nothing can possibly harm you until 
the last chapter, for this is Fairyland, and the story of your life 
must fill at least 140 pages.” 

Thus encouraged Charming strode straight into the cave, 
followed by Rigolo, who tried to keep up his own courage by 
telling himself jokes and making himself laugh. 

The giant, a fierce looking fellow, sat on the floor of the cave 
scowling with both heads. It was an anxious moment for all 
concerned, but Rigolo put an end to the strain by remarking : 

“ Well, two heads are better than one, even if one is a block- 
head.” The giant found this funny, and both of his scowls 
turned to broad grins. 


55 


The Prince Meets Rigolo the Jester 

“ You^are welcome,” he said at last, “most welcome! I expect 
you to remain for dinner.” He gnashed the teeth of both mouths 
as he said this, just to show in what prime condition they were 
for tidbits. 

“ As guests, or as entrees? ” asked Rigolo. 

“ As the entire a la carte menu,” replied the giant, smacking his 
lips. 

“Were you ever in a dime museum ? ” asked Charming, with 
wonderful courage in one so young. 

“ No,” replied the giant’s first head sullenly. 

“ Too bad. You could make a hundred a week easily. That’s 
what they paid Mile. Christine, the two headed-lady, and she was 
only half your size.” 

“ Oh, indeed,” grunted the giant’s second head. 

“ Then there was Chang, the Chinese Giant ; I saw him at a 
dime museum once.” 

“ He was my cousin,” roared the giant with both heads. 

“ Ah, well, he was only seven feet high, and had only one head, 
and he got seventy-five a week, and twenty cents a day for dinner. 
You with your two heads and twelve feet of height ought to get a 
hundred at least. Then there’s the side-show with Barnum’s 
Circus. They pay their freaks very well. The living skeleton keeps 
living at forty a week, and makes no bones about it,” said 
Charming. 

“ And the ossified man recently asked for a raise, but he’s a 
hardened wretch,” added Rigolo. 


56 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Then there’s the man with the elastic skin,” said Charming. 
“ His is only a skin game, and yet it pays him well. I should 
think such a life would suit you better than being a cave-dweller 
and frightening people out of their senses.” 

“ Think so?” asked the giant, shaking both his heads in doubt. 
“Well, perhaps you are right. I’ll think it over. My two heads 
will consult about it. In the mean time, I want one more square 
meal. I dearly like young men fricasseed on toast.” Then he 
sang a duet with both heads. 

“Two gentlemen quite self reliant. 

Once called on a giant defiant ; — 

An a-la-carte lunch, 

Made an end of the bunch, 

‘Oh bring me some more !’ said the giant.’ ’ 

“Ah, I see the limerick craze nas reached you too,” said 
Rigolo. “ How do you like this one ? 

“There once was a fellow called Jim, 

Whose purse and whose prospects were slim ; 

He had a queer notion. 

To bathe in the ocean. 

And thus he was right in the swim.” 

“ Very good,” said the giant’s second head. “ That reminds 
me of another.” 

And so they regaled each other with limericks for over an hour, 
both heads vieing with Rigolo and Charming, and laughing 
heartily whenever there was a particularly good verse. Once the 
two heads began quarreling, as each wanted to tell the same 


57 


The Prince Meets Rigolo the Jester 

limerick. At last the stock gave out. The giant looked at his 
Waterbury watch and frowned. “ Come boys ” said he, “ I’m 
sorry to trouble you, but it’s time for lunch. I’m hungry.” 

“ Here’s an appetizer,” said Charming, and he brought out the 
two sticks of dynamite. “ Just eat one of these with each mouth 
and you will relish us doubly.” 

It is wonderful how easily giants are fooled. That’s what makes 
fairy tales so interesting. Evidently a giant’s body grows at the 
expense of his brain. Hurdygurdy took the two sticks and looked 
at them. 

“ What are they ? Candy ? ” he inquired. 

“ Yes,” said Rigolo. “ Dynamighty good candy too. It is 
something called giant powder, because it is so good for giants. 
It helps digestion by blowing any impurities out of the system.” 

Suspecting nothing, Hurdygurdy put a stick of the stuff into 
each mouth and began chewing. 

Whiz, bang, crash ! The dynamite went off. The explosion 
was terrific. When the smoke cleared away, the giant’s body lay 
in one corner of the cave, while both heads were hanging on 
the limbs of a tree outside, blinking at each other in mute 
surprise. 

“ Hurrah ! ” cried Rigolo and Charming. Each shouldered a 
head, and staggering under the load, bent their steps toward the 
castle. 

Their reception was very cordial. The King, when he saw the 
giant’s heads, lost his own head for joy, and the Princess fell about 


58 The Strange Adventures of Trince Charming 

Charming’s neck, so that he, too, for a time had two heads on his 
shoulder. 

“ Heads I win ! ” exclaimed Charming. “ I claim the Princess 
Dodo as my bride.” 

The King’s joy turned to sudden grief. He had never meant 
to give up Dodo, and now that the giant was dead and no longer 
dangerous, he began to think of some way to break his promise. 
A wicked mind easily finds a way to do evil, as you will soon see. 

“ Of course, my boy,” he said with a smile, “ the princess is 
yours. I’ll invite all the court for breakfast to-morrow, and we’ll 
celebrate your engagement in proper style.” 

So Charming went to bed very happy, and dreamed of giants 
and dynamite and Dodos until the alarm clock struck nine. 

Next day the whole court assembled to witness the betrothal. 
Everybody congratulated Charming and Rigolo on their victory. 

“ How could you do it? ” they asked. 

“ It was a gigantic undertaking,” said Rigolo, “ and a big thing 
for the undertaker.” Whereat they all laughed politely. 

Suddenly in the midst of the festivities, King Chico gave a 
shriek ! 

“ My crown ! My crown I ” he cried. 

The kohinoor diamond that had adorned the front of his new 
tiara was missing. 

“ Somebody has stolen it,” gasped Chico. “ Lock the doors. 
Search the company. Let no guilty man escape.” 

Everybody looked at everybody else with surprise and suspicion. 


59 


The Prince Meets Rigolo the Jester 

The chief Pinkerton of the kingdom was telephoned for and at 
once began an investigation. 

Almost the first person searched was Charming, and what do 
you think ?. The missing diamond was found in his coat pocket ! 

A shout of horror arose from all 
present. The detective went on with 
his search and discovered the King’s 
gold snuff box in the pocket of 
Pigolo. Now of course you under- 
stand that this was all a trick on the 
part of the wicked king. During 
the night he had hidden these articles 
in the pockets of his guests in order 
to find a good cause to get them out 
of the way, but the company didn’t 
know that. 

“ What shall I do with them, 
your Majesty ? ” asked the detective. 

“ Take their photographs and 
measurements forthe rogues’ gallery,” 
shouted the King. “ Then imprison 
them in the topmost cell of the tower, 
and there let them rot.” 

Kings are made to be 
obeyed — else what’s the use 
of being a king. So our 



TWO ON A TOWER 


60 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

heroes were led off in chains and in tears to the tower, where 
they took the elevator to the thirty-third floor, were locked in, 
and left to their fate. 

“ This isn’t so bad,” said Rigolo. “ It’s very much like the sky- 
scrapers we have at home, only that the rent is lower.” 

“ It’s better than being in a dungeon under ground,” said 
Charming, and he began singing, 

(< In a prison cell I sit. 

Thinking Dodo, dear, of you — *’ 

Suddenly there was a terrific explosion. From the window of 
the tower, they could see a cloud of dust arise, and the palace 
with all its contents, including King Chico, Princess Dodo, and 
the royal court, shot up into the air and fell back to earth a mass 
of ruins and fragments. 

Just what happened will never be known. Not a soul was left 
alive to tell the tale. One version is that the King found another 
stick of dynamite, and in trying to show his guests just how the 
giant came to his end, he bit into it ; and another version says that 
he tried to hammer the diamond back into his crown with the 
stick of dynamite and this caused the explosion. But whatever the 
cause, the lesson is that evil begets its own punishment. 

The tower was badly cracked by the explosion, but though it 
seemed shaky, it did not fall. 

Charming, brave though he was, felt like crying. 

“ Here, brace up !” cried the jester, 

“ I’d rather race down,” replied Charming through his tears. 


The Prince Meets Rigolo the Jester 


61 



THE KING AMID THE RUINS 


“ This reminds me of a book I once read,” said Rigolo. “ It 
was called 5 Two in a Tower.’ ” 

Presently the jester’s face lit up. It was a sure sign that he had 
a merry jest on the end of his tongue. 


62 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ What’s the joke ? ” asked Charming. 

“ Then Rigolo told his joke ! ! ! It was so funny that I will not 
attempt to tell it to my readers for fear of the effect it might have 
on them. It set Charming laughing so that he fairly quivered. 
Even the tower shook with laughter until it cracked its sides, 
already weakened by the explosion. The result was that the 
jester’s wonderful humor “ brought down the house,” as they say 
at the theatre, and the tower fell and our friends with it. Luckily 
they fell rather slowly, about a foot at a time, and Charming 
reached the ground gently and unhurt. But the jester was not so 
lucky. He was buried under several tons of stone and mortar, 
and he had to go a mile or two to borrow a spade to dig himself 
out. 

Prince Charming in the mean time set out again on his travels. 
He was glad to be rid of the jester, who with all his fun was at 
times poor company. Making puns grows very tiresome at times ; 
even Shakespeare’s grew wearisome ; and laughing when you feel 
like crying is most annoying. The jester with all his wit was a 
“ Bromide.” It seemed to Charming that he had heard or read 
most of the jokes before — possibly in some old newspapers or 
patent medicine almanacs. 

All that day he walked on without any further adventures, and 
towards evening he slept under a haystack, hungry and very weary 
indeed. 



'CHARMING- VISITJ 
SOME- OLD FRIENDS 




CHAPTER VII. 

'T'HE MORNING of the next day broke bright and early, as 
mornings usually do in Fairyland, and Charming strolled 
along looking at the scenery, which was most beautiful. He felt 
quite happy in spite of his many disappointments. After all it 
was a pleasant world to live in, and if things did not always go 
right, there was enough joy to make up for most of the sorrow. 
As some good old fairy poet once remarked, “ There’s nothing 
good or bad but thinking makes it so.” 

As he emerged from the forest, he saw before him a little figure 
wearing a red cap, and by her side was running a creature that 
looked like a good-sized dog. In a few minutes he had caught up 
with them. He tipped his hat politely and said : 

“ Excuse me, Miss, but it appears to me that I know you. I 
must have met you somewhere.” 

“ No doubt,” said the lady. “ You probably met us in the story 
books. I’m Little Red Ridinghood, and this is my friend, the 
Wolf.” 


63 


64 


The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 



“ That’s it, of course,” 
said Charming, and he 
introduced himself. 

Little Red Ridinghood 
turned her face toward 
him and smiled. 

“ Dear me,” thought 
Charming. “ How she 
has aged. I wouldn’t have 
recognized her but for her 
hood.” 

Indeed she was no long- 
er the young and beauti- 
ful child she had been 
when her history was 
written. Several hundred 
years had passed since 
then. She was still Little 
Red Ridinghood, but her 
face looked her great age. 
The wolf, too, seemed 
old and decrepit, with little of his old time vigor left. 

The lady guessed his thoughts and said, “ Oh, yes, we are getting 
older every day. Little Eva of Uncle Tom’s Cabin and I are the 
youngest of the crowd up at the * Home ! ’ But even we are be- 
ginning to show the effects of time. I usually wear a veil when I 
go out nowadays.” 


LITTLE RED RIDINGHOOD 


65 


Charming Visits Some Old Friends 

“ The Home ? ” asked Charming. “ Where is that ? ” 

“ Right behind the hill. Come along with me and you will 
meet a number of old friends there.” 



Charming accompanied Little Red Ridinghood. He carried 
her basket for her, which still contained some goodies she was 
carrying to her sick grandmother. You see the habits one forms 


66 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

in youth are apt to remain with us even in extreme old age. After 
a short walk, they reached a rambling old building on which was 
a sign which read : 

“ RETREAT FOR ANTIQUATED HEROES OF LEGENDARY NARRATIVE.” 

“ What does that mean ? ” asked Charming. 

“ Oh ” replied Little Red Ridinghood, “ that’s Fairy Latin, and 
means, ‘ Home for old Fairy-tale people.’ That’s the House that 
Jack Built, a little remodeled and enlarged, and there live all the 
people that formerly did great deeds in the Fairy books. They 
are all very old now, and don’t do so much in the way of heroic 
acts.” 

“ I thought most of them were dead,” said Charming. 

“ Bless you, no ! These people will never die. It is true that 
their place in the world has been taken to some extent by new- 
comers, but they will live as long as a child remains on earth to 
read about their wonderful deeds.” 

Near the entrance they met a little old shepherdess, attending 
three very scraggy-looking sheep. 

“ Who’s that ? ” asked Charming. 

“ That’s Little Bo-Peep,” explained Red Ridinghood. “ She 
had a lot of sheep once, but you remember they all got lost. Her 
story is one of the saddest in Fairyland. Now she has only three 
sheep ; one is * Ba Ba Black Sheep ’ ; one is Mary’s Little Lamb, 
and the third is the sheep in the fable whose clothing the wolf 
wore. Little Bo-Peep is quite old now and suffers from rheuma- 


67 


Charming Visits Some Old Friends 
tism. Dr. Foster, the one 
that came from Gloucester 
in a shower of rain, says 
she’ll have to give up tend- 
ing sheep, or she may be 
laid up entirely. That’s 

what makes her so sad.” 

They went into the Home 
and were soon surrounded 
by a number of dear old 
friends. 

There were two old ladies 
who managed the Home. 

They called themselves 
“ matrons,” but all the 
boarders called them 
“ Mother.” They were Old 
Mother Goose and Old 
Mother Hubbard. They 
were dignified, nice-looking 
ladies, both wearing loose wrappers which Mrs. Hubbard had 
invented some years ago. They bade Charming welcome, and 
took him around to introduce him to the other inmates of the 
Home. At a table, playing cards, sat Jack and Jill. They were 
white-haired cronies now, and still very fond of each other. Every 
day* of their lives they went up the same hill to fetch a pail of 



68 The Strange Adventures of "Prince Charming 

water, although they never fell down now. They knew better 
than that. 

Side by side, on a sofa reading, sat Little Tommy Tucker and 
Little Miss Muffet. Her name was Mrs. Tommy Tucker now, 
for she had married Tommy a century before. The poor fellow 
had cried so often for his supper, that she had taken pity on him 
and married him, just so that he would get his meals on time. In 
return for her devotion, he spent his time keeping the spiders 
away from her, for you remember how 
afraid she was of spiders. 

They were now very old and wrinkled, 
but still sang their little songs and loved 
each other very much. Jack Horner was 
talking to them and telling them all about 
his famous Christmas pie. 
He was suffering from 
dyspepsia now, and hadn’t 
eaten any pie for many 
years. He still liked to have 
a finger in the pie when any- 
thing was going on, but as 
to eating pie, that was out 
of the question. 

Simple Simon sauntered 
up and shook hands with 
mother hubbard and her dog Charming. Formerly he was 



Charming Visits Some Old Friends 

young and foolish. Now he was 
old and foolish. One wouldn’t 
exactly call him crazy, but for an 
old man with long gray hair and 
all his teeth gone, to try to fish 
for whales in his mother’s wash- 
tub was eccentric, to say the 
least. 

Tom, the Piper’s Son, was also 
a queer character. He had stolen 
a pig> y°u remember, but as a 
punishment he had to carry that 
pig around with him until the 
end of time. How he hated 
pork ! He was introduced to 
Charming, and after a few pleas- 
ant remarks about the weather 
and the prospects of war, advised 
the Prince never to associate with 


69 



SIMPLE SIMON 


pigs. 

A poor old blind man was led 
up and down the ward by a nurse. It was the man who had the 
reputation of being wondrous wise. He used to jump into 
bramble bushes and scratch out his eyes and then jump back and 
scratch them in again. Surely a foolish occupation for a wise 
man to indulge in. One day when his eyes were out he got con- 


70 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

fused and couldn’t find the bush again, and so remained blind for- 
ever. However, he appeared happy and contented, and played 
most of the time with the three blind 
mice that had been chased by the 
farmer’s wife. 

Humpty Dumpty, sitting on a 
specially built wall, was laughing im- 
mensely over a joke which 
Little Boy Blue was telling 
him about the hard boiled 
eggs that were hard to beat. 

Humpty was the father of all 
eggs, and while not as fresh 
as formerly, he was quite 
strong for his age, and 
dearly loved a joke. 

In another room was 
the old woman who 
formerly lived in her 

FG5 

shoe. Her many children TO m the pipers son 

had got married or had moved away, and so she was left all alone. 
The old shoe having worn out at the sole, and being run down 
at the heel, she sold out her property to a second-hand shoe dealer 
and came to the Home to live. She seemed quite happy. 

There were a number of other acquaintances here, such as Old 
Dame Trot, the Ten O’Clock Scholar, the Lady with rings on 



Charming Visits Some Old Friends 71 

her fingers and bells on her toes, Mary Contrary, and so 
forth. 

They were all pleased to meet Charming, and made him stay to 
dinner, which was a jolly affair. Then they gave a performance in 
the little theatre attached to the Home, and went through the 
various acts for which they had become famous, and Charming 
enjoyed it very much. When he left, Old Mother Hubbard kissed 
him good-bye, and said if he was good and brave, and the story of 
his adventures sold well, he could come and join them in his old 
age in the Retreat for Antiquated Heroes of Legendary Narrative. 



R5^ 


Qfe ADVENTURES 

THE GRQCOGATORjJ 



CHAPTER VIII. 

“ T REALLY WISH,” said Prince Charming as he wandered 
along the next day, sad and disheartened — “ I really wish 
Rigolo were here to give me company. Bad as are his puns, and 
irritating his conversation, he is better than no companion at all.” 

He had scarcely spoken before he heard a merry whistle. A 
moment afterwards the head of Rigolo appeared through the 
bushes, and was soon followed by the rest of his body. 

“ Hello Rig,” said the Prince joyfully. 

“ Hello Charm,” replied the jester. 

“ I’m glad to see you” said the Prince, “ I heard you whistle.” 

“ Then I didn’t whistle in vain,” said the jester. “ Can you 
tell me who was the first whistler ? ” 

“ No.” 

“ The Wind. Can you tell me the tune he whistled ? ” 

“ No.” 

“ Over the Hills and Far Away. Ha, ha ! Good isn’t it? I just 
made up that joke this minute. I’ll send it in to Puck, maybe 
they’ll publish it. Oh, it’s great to be so clever.” 

72 


The Adventures with the Crocogator 73 

“ Sunny as ever,” said, Charming laughing. “ Where are you 
bound for now? ” 

“ To Euchre Castle, the home of King Clubs of Cardland.” 

“ Where is the castle ? ” 
asked the Prince. 

“ Over there, on the 
pinocle of yonder hill. The 
King has promised his 
daughter, Acehigh, in mar- 
riage to any one who will 
kill the Crocogator, a ter- 
rible beast that is destroy 
ing his crops. I’m going 
to try my wit at it.” 

“ How absurd,” cried 
Charming, “ for you to 
suppose you can kill a beast 
like that or win a princess. 

Although coming to 
think of it, your jokes are 
often deadly enough.” 

“ I killed a Bontagoo once,” replied the jester. 

“ A Bontagoo. What’s that ? ” 

“ Why a Bontagoo is an animal composed of equal parts of 
Welsh rabbit and lobster ala Bluebeard, taken just before going 
to bed. It’s a terrible beast.” 



RIGOLO REAPPEARS 


74 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Well, come along ” said the Prince. “ If we succeed, I’ll take 
the Princess and you can have the Crocogator, or else you can 
take the Crocogator and I’ll have the Princess.” 

Rigolo was satisfied either way, and they walked along in the 
best of humor, telling each other their wonderful adventures since 
last they met. 

By noon they reached the castle of King Clubs. The house 
was built entirely of playing cards, with the spots forming the 
windows and doors. There was a bridge leading to the main 
entrance, and a Big Casino and a Little Casino at either side of 
the gate. There was a poker on deck near the door and with this 
they knocked for admittance. Instantly the door opened and the 
Knave of Spades appeared with a tray and took their cards. 

“ Shuffle right in and sit down,” he said. “ The Queen is 
putting on her diamonds and the King is playing solitaire in the 
Anteroom. Whist ! Don’t disturb him, or he’ll raise the deuce.” 

The visitors sat down on the polished floor and waited patiently. 
At last the King finished his game with himself. “ I’ve won,” he 
said, “ but I had to cheat to do it. It is very distressing how cards 
run sometimes. Yet I believe in a square deal. Well, gentlemen, 
what can I do for you ? ” 

Charming introduced himself. 

“ Prince Charming, indeed ? De-lighted.” said the King. 
“ Take a chair.” 

“I’m the only son of King Hullaballoo,” added Charming 
modestly. 


75 


The Adventures with the Crocogator 

“ Ah ! Take two chairs. How’s your royal father ? Well, I 
hope. And your Queenly mother? Beautiful as ever? Do you 
know, young man, that I came near marrying your mother? I 
intended rescuing her from the dragon, but the alarm clock 
didn’t go off, and I overslept myself. Your father got there 
ahead of me. Alas ! Alas I Time plays us some scurvy tricks. 
Well, my boy, what can I do for you? ” 

“I’ve come to kill the Crocogator and marry the Princess, 
your daughter,” said Charming. 

The King became serious at once. 

“ Young man,” he said, “ you are undertaking a big job. To 
kill the Crocogator is a great risk, to marry the Princess is a still 
greater risk. To try to do both is — well the language of Card- 
land has no word strong enough to express it.” 

Prince Charming put one hand behind his back, and the other 
in the bosom of his coat ( as he had seen on the pictures of the 
great Napoleon ), and said : 

“ Sire, nothing is too difficult for the son of King Hullaballoo.” 

“ Well,” said the King, “ I’m satisfied if you are. But first 
take a look at those monuments out there,” and he pointed to the 
window. “ Are they not imposing ? ” 

“ If it were not so grave a subject,” said Rigolo, “ I would 
crack a joke about the monumental folly of having them there.” 

“It looks like a private cemetery,” said Charming, shuddering. 

“ It is. Each stone is in honor of a bravfe khight whd lost his 
life trying to do what you want to dt>.” 


76 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Are they all buried there ? ” asked Charming sadly. 

“ Bless your heart, no. They are buried in the midst of the 
Crocogator, but we always erect a monument, even when there is 
nothing left of them but a 
memory. We miss them 
when they are gone.” The 
King wiped away a tear that 
was trickling down his 
beard. 

Charming was on the 
point of declaring that he 
would like to think it over, 
when Princess Acehigh 
entered. When she saw 
Charming, a flush, a real 
royal flush, spread over her 
beautiful . features, and 
Charming, too, blushed as 
red as the ten of hearts. 

He felt that with her, life would be worth living, even if you had 
to die to get her. She was indeed lovely, and worth facing a 
dozen Crocogators for, if there had been that many in the world, 
which fortunately there were not. Charming felt all his courage 
come back to him in her presence. 

“ If the worst happens,” he thought, “ my monument will be 




\\H/ 

.v" 


THE CEMETERY 


77 


The Adventures with the Crocogator 

there for her to look at. Perhaps she will think of me sometimes 
and drop a tear for me.” 

“ Don’t be afraid,” whispered the jester. “ I know of a sure 
way to kill the beast, and the princess is yours.” 

Thus encouraged, Charming bowed low before Acehigh and 
said, “ Beautiful Princess, to-morrow I go forth to conquer or to 
die for you.” 

And the jester with his usual wit began to sing : 

“He who fights and runs away, 

May win the princess some fine day ; 

But he who fights the Crocogator, 

May crock himself a little later.” 

The King and the princess both laughed, and said, “ How 
bright ” and “ How cute,” and asked him if he ever took any- 
thing for it. The jester explained that he was born that way and 
couldn’t help being so funny. Then the Queen came in, covered 
with diamonds, and a dress that must have cost at least three 
thousand gold coins, and wasn’t paid for yet, although the dress- 
maker had called five times for the money. They all sat down to 
a very fine course dinner, and for the time the Crocogator was 
entirely forgotten. 

Next morning, however, the King reminded them that they 
must set out at once if they wanted to earn their pay. During 
the night the Crocogator had eaten up all the corn on a ten-acre 
field, including a new harvesting machine with the driver and two 
horses, and something had to be done at once. So Charming and 
Rigolo decided to go without delay, and buckled on the armor 


78 


The Strange Adventures oj Prince Charming 

the king had provided for them, and each took a spear and a 
sword for good luck. The Princess wept bitterly, for she hated to 
see the poor young prince become the monster’s prey. She 
didn’t care what happened to the jester. 

“ Fear nought,” said Charming. “ I go to battle for thy sake 
as did the knights of old.” Whereupon Rigolo sang : 

“In days of old, when knights were cold. 

And zero held full sway, 

A Princess sat in her bleak flat. 

And shivered all the day.” 

There were twenty-seven verses each funnier than the preceding 
one. The Princess dried her soulful eyes and tried to smile, but 
strange to say the song only made her sadder. The King and his 
four knaves rode with the Prince as far as the edge of the forest, 
and as they heard the roars of the monster, they rode back as fast 
as they could, leaving the two heroes to face the danger alone. 

“ Now listen to me,” said Rigolo, when the others had gone 
“ This is a simple job. Crocogators often cry like children, hence 
the saying ! Crocogator’s tears ’ when anybody cries and doesn’t 
mean it. When foolish people, thinking that a child is weeping, 
go to see what’s the trouble, he gobbles them up. The Allodile 
does the same thing, only more so. Now I’m going to change 
this animal’s tears to laughter by telling him some of my sunniest 
jokes. When he has his mouth wide open and shows the white 
spot at the back of his palate, take your spear and hurl it right 
through his skull, and then the victory is yours. That’s easy 
enough I’m sure.” 


79 


The Adventures with the Crocogator 

“ Oh, very easy,” replied Charming, but he turned a little pale 
nevertheless. On came the monster, over seventy-nine feet 
long, with open jaws and glistening teeth, and crying like a baby 
with the colic and no paregoric in sight. Had Charming not 
remembered the charms of the beautiful Princess Acehigh he 
would have turned and fled. 

“ How-de-do Croco ? ” said Rigolo pleasantly as the beast 
came on. “ What a mouth you’ve got ! What a fine opening for 
a young man I ” 

“ Ha, ha,” laughed Charming in spite of his L~r, and the 
beast, too, seemed to smile just the least bit at this brave display 
of wit. 

“ The greatest jaw I ever saw. It beats that of my mother-in- 
law,” sang Rigolo, thus for the first time in history making a joke 
about the mother-in-law. 

Entirely forgetting his danger, Charming was convulsed with 
laughter. The beast, too, stopped its crying and began to brighten 
up considerably. 

“What is the difference between a tree and a Crocogator?” 
continued Rigolo. “ One leaves in the Spring, and the other 
leaves when the menagerie does.” 

This was too much for the beast. It gave vent to a loud roar 
of laughter, and opened its jaws so wide that it nearly swallowed 
its head to the ears. 

This was Charming’s opportunity. With what a newspaper 
reporter would have called a superhuman effort for one so young, 
he hurled his spear right into the beast’s cavernous mouth. It 


80 


The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

came out on the other side and kept right on until it buried itself 
in a tree two miles beyond. 

With a final laugh that was more like a groan, the huge 
back, kicked a few times, and was as 
dead as a railroad spike. Charming 
and Rigolo fell around each other’s 
necks for joy. 

“ Oh, you’re so funny,” said 
Charming. “ You’re just killing.” 

“ Oh, that was dead easy,” replied 
Rigolo. “ I once made a laughing 
Hyena laugh itself to death, but that 
took all the jokes I could possibly 
think of.” 

Suddenly there was a strange sound 
within the dead beast, like the knock- 
ing of a dozen fists against a wooden 
door. 

“ Let me out, let me out ! ” cried a 
score of voices. 

“ Where are you?” asked Charming, looking about in surprise. 
“ Here in this beastly beast’s insides. Hurry and let us out.” 
Charming pulled his sword from its scabbard and ripped open 
the Crocogator’s hide as though he were operating for appendici- 
tis. Out came twenty knights, one driver, and two horses, a little 
mouldy ’tis true, and blinking in the sun, but otherwise as good 


monster turned over on its 



as new. 


81 


The Adventures with the Crocogatot 

“ Who are you ? ” asked Charming, a little surprised. 

“We are the fellows that went to fight the beast and were 
swallowed alive,” explained one of them. 

“How did you manage to live?” asked Rigolo. “It must 
have been rather uncomfortable in there.” 



“ Oh, no,” replied another. “ It is a little close, and the 
ventilation not quite up to the modern ideas, but for one who is 
used to tenement house accommodations it wasn’t so bad.” 

“ Well I’m glad I saved you,” said Charming. 

“ And now, forward,” shouted one who seemed to be the leader. 
“ You drag his carcass to the King while I claim the Princess.” 

“ I beg your pardon, gentlemen,” said Charming, “ but the 
Princess is mine, for ’tis I who slew the beast.” 


82 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Oh yes, no doubt ! ” replied the others in chorus. “ But we 
tried first, and if we hadn't been gobbled up, we would have 
succeeded. First come, first served.” 

The Prince found no answer for such logic. 

“Well,” he said at last, “we’ll let the Princess decide, for after 
all, she’s the one who is to be considered.” 

They found a clothes-line which they tied to the Crocogator’s 
tail, and dragged him over the bridge leading to the palace ; but 
before they got any farther, the earth trembled so on account of 
the enormous weight of the creature that the palace ( which you 
remember was made only of a pack of cards ) fell together in a 
heap, burying the King and Queen, the Knave, the ten spots, and 
all the other smaller spots, and even the lovely Princess beneath 
the ruins. Alas ! Alas ! It was not the first time that cards had 
broken up a happy home, although, coming to think of it, it was 
the Crocogator who was the cause of the trouble in this case. 
However, the fact remains that a house built on a foundation of 
cards cannot long survive. The knights looked at each other 
with tears streaming down their faces, then giving the wicked 
Crocogator a parting kick, they went their several ways. 

When Charming looked for the jester, he was nowhere to be 
found, so he sorrowfully continued his journey alone. 


(prmnnnnn^ A ig 

j Oie ADV ENT U RE °f j 
I IQHENGPINA CASTLE/ 





CHAPTER IX. 


P RINCE CHARMING wandered along, wondering what his 
next escapade would be, and the more he wandered, the 
more he wondered, until he suddenly found himself on the banks 
of a beautiful lake, across whose glassy surface he could see the 
high tower of a castle. Charming looked up page 77 of his road- 
book and read as follows : 

“ To the left is the castle of Lohengrin, where Elsa is kept 
imprisoned until a knight shall come to her rescue.” 

“ Lohengrin,” said Charming. “ Of course, that’s where Elsa 
is. Where else could Elsa be? According to the story there 
ought to be a swan near by to bear me across the lake.” 

You see Charming had heard of Wagner’ opera even in those 
days when the music of the future was not yet a thing of the past. 
He had scarcely spoken when a beautiful white swan swam to 
where he stood. 

“Can you take me across to yon castle?” asked the Prince 
politely, for he knew that the swan was really a Flemish King’s 
son who had been tarred and feathered by a wicked magician. 

83 


84 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Nothing easier,” replied the 
bird in a haughty, Wagnerian 
manner. “ Jump on my back and 
I’ll take you over in a jiffy. You 
are the seventh knight that’s tried 
to save our lady this week.” 

“ What became of the others?” 
asked Charming. 

“ Oh they were — ” but the 
swan spoke so indistinctly on 
account of its long neck, that 
Charming couldn’t catch the 
words. 

“ Well you can’t frighten me,” 
he replied as he got on the 
swan’s back. “ I’m the son of 
King Hullaballoo, and the god- 
son of Fairy Papillion, and I’m 
going to sink or swim, live or die, 
survive or perish, to save Elsa.” 

“ Hold fast,” cried the swan suddenly, “ I see a frog,” and he 
dived head foremost into the lake, leaving Charming to struggle 
in the chilly water. 

“ Sink or swim, survive or perish,” ran through his head, but, 
alas, he had never learned to swim. He floundered around for 
a while uncertain what to do. Fortunately the water seemed 
rather thick — almost like mayonnaise sauce — and he had no 



THE CASTLE OF LOHENGRIN 


85 


The Adventure of Lohengrin's Castle 

trouble to keep afloat. The swan came up a moment later with a 
squirming little frog in its mouth. 

“ This just fills the bill,” he said as he gulped it down. 

“ Yes, but how about me ? ” asked Charming angrily. 

“ Oh, you ? Princes don’t eat frogs, only frogs’ legs, fricasseed,” 
and the swan began to sing : 

“A frog he would a-wooing go. 

Whether his mama would let him or no ; 

There came along a hungry swan. 

Who gobbled him up and swallowed him down.” 

“ How do you like my voice ? ” asked the swan. 

“ Not at all,” replied the Prince. “ It needs cultivating.” 

“ I have a frog in my throat,” said the swan, “ that’s why.” 

Further conversation was interrupted by the appearance of 
Mama Frog, a creature fully as big as the swan, who croaked, 
“ Where’s my pollywog — my own little pollywog ? ” 

Then seeing Charming paddling about in the water, she said, 
“ Ah, there’s the wretch who has eaten my darling,” and without 
giving Charming a chance to say a word in self defense, she lifted 
him out of the water with her mouth, carried him to the shore and 
gave a kick which lifted him high in the air, and sent him flying 
through space as though Fairy Papillion had again given him 
magic wings. 

He flew and flew until he almost felt lonely so high up in the 
air; then he took a downward course and landed right in the 
garden of King Heinrich of Brabant. He picked himself up, and 
being wet and miserable ran towards the palace. Suddenly he 


86 The Strange Adventures of Trince Charming 

dashed full force against the King, who unexpectedly appeared 
around the corner. 

The good king was enjoying his daily airing, and who should be 
.with him but Rigolo the Jester, who had walked around the other 
way and was amusing the King with a few new jokes. 

For a moment after his unexpected collision with Charming, the 
King could not find words for utterance, as they say in the story 
books. For a time he could only 
make wild gestures, but when he 
recovered his breath sufficiently 
Charming heard more of the 
dialect used in that 
part of the country 
than he had ever heard 
before. 

Rigolo looked on 
and laughed. He was so 
humorous and could see a 
jest in anything. He was one 
big jest ; and yet, coming to 
think of it, if a man is a jest, 
can he be any jester ? 

“ What’s this ? ” said his 
majesty at last, holding 
Charming at arm’s length by the hair. 

“ Why Maj,” whispered Rigolo, winking, “ can’t you see it’s a 
lobster, a new kind that some fairy has sent to deck your table ? ” 





THE SWAN CATCHES A FROG 


87 


The Adventure of Lohengrin' s Castle 

“ True,” said the King, who was very near-sighted. “ It must 
be a lobster. Let’s have him for dinner, for there’s nothing better 
than a lobster unless it be two lobsters.” 

Whereat Rigolo sang: 

“I love a little lobster, his sauce is so warm. 

And if I don’t eat him, he’ll do me no harm.’ 

“Your Majesty,” cried Charming in terror, “I’m no lobster, 
but only a Prince. I’m the only son of King Hullaballoo.” 

“ Really now, that’s too bad,” replied the King, “ and I had my 
mouth all ready for lobster. So you’re a Prince, eh ? But how did 
you manage to come upon me so suddenly? ” 

Charming told about the swan and the frog. 

“The swan, eh? We’ll have him punished,” said the King 
angrily. “ Here, Telramund,” he cried to the man servant. 
“ The swan’s been behaving badly again, go out and tie a knot 
in his neck to remind him to do better next time.” 

Telramund said something disrespectful, and went out. 

“ But my boy, you’re wet and shivering. We must dry you or 
you’ll catch cold. Here, Ortrud,” he cried to the chambermaid, 
“ take the Prince to the Dragon Fafner and let him dry his 
clothes.” 

Fafner, the Dragon, was chained in the garage. He was a very 
useful beast. Whenever you played a certain “ leit-motif ” on the 
pianola, he breathed fire and flames from his mouth. They used 
him to warm the palace, heat the cook stove, and supply the 
power for the elevator. He had a fiery disposition, and they kept 
him chained and padlocked, with a barbed wire fence around him. 


The Strange Adventures of Trince Charming 

Charming stood before the 
Dragon till his clothes were 
dried. Then he returned to the 
King, who asked both Charming 
and Rigolo for dinner, and they 
accepted with pleasure. When 
it came to the desert, Rigolo 
“ Your Majesty, I can 
give you a fine recipe for 
sponge cake.” 

“ Fire ahead,” said his 
Majesty; “you 
bake the cake and 
I’ll take the cake.” 

“Take the whites 
of three eggs,” said 
Rigolo, “ and beat 
them till they’re 
black and blue. Take a quart of milk from your neighbor when 
he’s not looking, and beat that too. Let it stand till it gets tired 
of standing, then let it sit down. Get a sponge at the drug store 
and—” 

But the King was laughing so that he almost choked, and 
Rigolo was forced to stop, although the joke was only half done. 

Charming wondered where Elsa was all this time. He was 
eager to see her and fall in love with her. He knew her sad story 
by heart, how she had been married to Lohengrin, how her 



THE PRINCE WARMS HIMSELF BEFORE FAFNER 


The Adventure of Lohengrin's Castle 89 

wicked relatives made her ask a question she had promised not to 
ask, how Lohengrin left her and went away. No doubt she was 
kept in confinement in some far-off room of the castle. 

Suddenly Telramund came and whispered something into the 
King’s ear. 

“ What! ” shouted the King. “ Elsa escaped ! It cannot be ! 
How do you know ? ” 

“ Your Majesty,” said Telramund, trembling, “ that tenor 
Knight who sang the role of Siegfried the week before last, was 
seen prowling around the grounds last night. She must have run 
off with him.” 

Whoever hasn’t seen a 
king in a rage, has no idea 
how angry a king can get. 

Heinrich of Brabant, 
especially, had an awful 
temper. When he got angry 
he usually sang in a deep 
bass voice, and now he sang 
so deep and loud that he 
broke the windows in the 
palace, and split the soles of 
his shoes. He raved and 
tore his hair, and as that was 
painful, he tore at Rigolo’s 
hair, which hurt him less 
and gave him more satis- 



W'VW.. 

THE KING IN A RAGE 


90 


The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

faction. In the midst of the excitement, 
Fafner, the Dragon, got loose, and one 
could hear his chains clanking in the 
courtyard. 

“ Come,” whispered Charming to 
Rigolo, “ I don’t think it’s safe here. 
Let’s try our luck elsewhere.” 

So the two friends went sadly down 
the road hand in hand. “ Business is 
very bad,” said Prince Charming in a 
weary voice. *“ Since starting out I 
R5S have had nothing but bad luck.” 

“ Indeed,” said Rigolo, “ Tell me 
about it.” 

“ Well I’ve been arrested for speed- 
ing, captured by a witch, was twice 
imprisoned, was tortured by King Cole, chased by a Dinosaurus, 
was disappointed by several princesses, and worst luck of all, I 
have met you.” 

“ Oh, yes, I can sympathize with you,” said the Jester. “ This 
Fairy Tale business is not what it is cracked up to be.” 

“And yet,” said Charming, “if I only had a lamp like my 
cousin Aladdin had, I am sure I could make a hit with it.” 

“Oh, what’s the use of a lamp?” asked Rigolo. “The 
tungsten light is far more practical and just as cheap.” 



Sfe ADVENTURERS! 

THELAMP 



CHAPTER X 

R IGOLO had scarcely spoken before Charming’s eye rested on 
a stone in the ground with an iron ring in it. 

“ See 1 ” he cried. “ Another adventure ! Let’s lift up the stone 
and see what’s under it.” 

Together they tugged at the ring. The stone, held down by 
the moist earth, stuck fast, but as they pulled, it suddenly lifted 
and both of them fell over and rolled down the hill. 

“ Aha ! ” cried Rigolo, “ now I know the meaning of ‘ Felling 
two boys with one stone.’ ” They came back, however, and 
Charming quickly jumped into the hole. 

“ Hurrah ! ” he cried a moment later. “ I have it, Aladdin’s 
lamp ! It’s the real one, for it has his name engraved on it.” 

“ Let’s rub it,” said Rigolo, “ and see what happens.” 
Charming gave the lamp a gentle rub. Instantly there was a 
flash of light, a roar of sound, and a puff of smoke like a giant 
fire cracker shooting off on the Glorious Fourth, and there before 
them stood a genie, the spirit of the lamp. 

I know my readers would be glad to know what the genie 


92 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

looked like, for in these days a genie is as rare as the Dodo. He 
was about sixteen feet high, and his shoulders and chest were 
broad and athletic. His head was peculiar to say the least, for it 

was twice as big as it should 
have been, and broader than 
high. His red hair hung down 
his back in long snake-like 
curls. He had only one eye, 
right in the middle of his fore- 
head, and had a green beard 
that hung down to his waist 
and had never been brushed or 
combed. Instead of feet, his 
legs just ended in mist. When 
he spoke, it sounded like the 
rumbling of an elevated train. 
Of course both Charming 

TOGETHER THEY TUGGED AT THE R.NG ^ R ig 0 l 0 trembled Z little at 

the sight of the fellow, but felt better when the genie asked, 
“ What wouldst thou of me ? I am the genie of the lamp and 
obey whomsoever rubs her.” 

“ That’s good,” said Rigolo. “ Bring us a nice supper.” 
The genie looked at him savagely but didn’t move. 

“ Did you hear me?” asked Rigolo. 

“ Did you rub her? ” asked the genie. 

“Did I rubber? That’s slang. I don’t usually rubber,” said 
the Jester. 



93 


The Adventures with the Tamp 

“ I obey only those that rub her, namely the lamp.” 

“ Oh, I see,” said Prince Charming. “ In that case I shall give 
the order. Bring us the best meal you can prepare in half a 
minute, and remember we are advocates of pure food.” 

“ All my preparations are guaranteed by the government under 
the pure food law,” said the genie with a roar. Then he dis- 
appeared, but reappeared in an instant with two attendants who 
bore a set table between them, and what a spread it contained ! 
From caviare to coffee, nothing was 
missing. 

“ That genie is a genius,” said 
Rigolo with his mouth full, while 
Charming said nothing, but ate as 
though he feared it might be his last 
meal for a week. The two attendants 
waited on them with lightning speed, 
and the genie himself removed the 
dishes and polished up the glasses as 
though he were receiving sixty dollars 
a month wages, whereas he wasn’t 
sure of getting even a tip. 

At last the dinner was over, and the 
dishes were empty and the diners 
were full. The genie clapped his 
hand, and instantly the table, service, and all disappeared as if in 
the air. 

“ What else does your highness command ? ” asked the genie. 



94 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Ask. him for wealth,” whispered the Jester. 

“ A splendid suggestion. Give me enough wealth to make me 
the richest man in the world,” said Charming modestly. 

“ Nothing easier,” replied the genie. “ Johndee, the Oil 
King, and Andycee, the Steel King, shall be paupers in 
comparison.” 

He clapped his hands, and in a twinkling a hole in the ground 
opened, about the size of a cellar door, and a staircase let them 
down into the earth. 

“Come,” said the genie, “ but be careful you don’t slip on 
the bottom step.” 

Down a passage they went, brilliantly lit up by fire flies, until 
they reached a large vaulted room, which was so bright that they 
had to put on spectacles which were conveniently hanging near 
the door for that purpose. The light came from millions of 
diamonds that were heaped up on the floor. 

“ Dear me,” said Charming, “ I never thought there were so 
many diamonds in the world.” 

“ There aren’t,” said the genie. “ Sh— I’ll tell you a secret. 
This is where the De Beers Diamond Co. keeps its surplus gems.” 

“ Surplus? What does that mean? ” asked Charming. 

“ You see only a few of the diamonds which they find are 
allowed to be sold. If they sold them all, solitaires would be as 
cheap as rhinestones. The only difference between a rhinestone 
and a diamond is its price. So they put all they don’t need down 
here.” 

“ It’s a great scheme,” said the Jester. “ Diamonds are trumps.” 











































*» 































































































# «. 















95 


The Adventures with the Tamp 

“ Take all you want.” said the genie, and 
getting two big sacks, he helped fill them to 
the top with the brilliants. 

“ They are very heavy,” said Charming 
with a sigh. 

“ Of course,” replied the 
genie. “ Each sack contains 
twenty thousand carats.” 

“ Carrots ? ” said the 
Jester dropping his sack. 

“ That’s a vegetable I detest. 

Give me succotash or beans, 
but no carrots.” 

The misunderstanding descending into the cave 
was explained by the genial genie and Charming and Rigolo # 
each with a sack on his shoulders, climbed up the stairs, while 
the genie disappeared in a very mysterious manner. The two 
adventurers trudged along the forest road, happy though tired. 

“ I never knew diamonds were so heavy,” said Charming. 

“ No, they usually seem light,” remarked the Jester, stopping to 
wipe his perspiring brow. 

“ Let’s set them down for a minute and rest,” suggested the 
Prince. 

“ Of course, diamonds were made to set,” replied Rigolo. So 
they sat down and rested. After a pause Rigolo said, “ What a 
pity you didn’t ask for a horse or an automobile or something to 
carry our wealth for us.” 



96 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Do you know,” said the Prince laughing, “ I really wish you 
were a camel and were carrying both sacks.” 

Now he really didn’t mean it, but just at the moment, his elbow 
happened to rub the lamp that hung by his side, and in an instant 
Rigolo was turned into a camel, all covered with hair, his long 
ears wagging from side to side, and on his hump were two heavy 
sacks. 

Prince Charming held his sides with laughter. “ Really, 
Rigolo,” he said, “ you’ve often been funny, but never quite so 
funny as now. I wish you could see yourself. Ha, ha, ha ! Here, 
gidap. Carry these sacks home for me,” and taking a bough of 

a tree for a switch he gave 
the poor beast a blow 
across the back. 

The camel, staggering 
under his load, went on. 
Big tears rolled down from 
his eyes as he thought of 
his changed condition, 
and he made up his mind 
to get even with Charming 
for this scurvy trick. 

After walking awhile, 
the Prince felt rather 
weary. 

“Well” he thought, 

CHARMING FINDS THE SACKS HEAVY “ beaSt is Strong 



97 


The Adventures with the Tamp 

enough to carry me too.” So he jumped on the poor camel’s 
back, right on top of the sacks of diamonds. Now that was 
adding insult to injury, and the camel closed his legs under him 
like a jackknife, and lay down in the middle of 
the road with a suddenness that made Charming 
roll off into the dirt. 

“ Ha, ha,” laughed the camel. “ It served 
you right.” 

“ Gidap ! ” cried the Prince, belaboring his 
friend with a stick. 

“ No, indeed,” replied the beast, “ I may be a 
camel, but I’m no ass.” 

“ Come, don’t be stubborn,” said the Prince, 
and he tried to pull the head up by the ears. In 
his zeal, he got too near, and as he touched the 
camel’s head, the beast put forward his nose and 
with it rubbed the lamp, saying, “ I want to be a 
man again.” Instantly he regained his former THE PRINCE LAUGHS 
shape, while the Prince held his sides with laughter. 

“This is no laughing matter,” cried the Jester, making a fist. 
“ I’ll have you know that no one, not even a Prince, can take such 
liberties with me.” 

It would have gone hard with the Prince had not a strange 
thing happened — an incident which is worthy of a separate 
chapter. 




CHAPTER XI 

A VOICE, very weak indeed, was heard crying, “ Let me out, 
let me out.” 

“ What’s that? ” asked the Prince. 

“ It sounds like a voice,” replied the Jester. 

“ But whose ? ” said the Prince. 

“ I don’t know,” replied the Jester. 

“ Let’s look,” said the Prince. 

And forgetting their quarrel, as well as their diamonds, they 
searched the bushes for the owner of the voice. 

They found nothing but an old copper bottle with a funny 
screw top, and from within a voice kept crying, “ Let me 
out.” 


“ That must be one of those Thermos bottles I’ve heard of,” 
said the Prince. “ If anything once gets inside, it will keep it 
hot or cold forever.” 

“ Suppose we open it and see what’s in it,” said Rigolo, be- 
ginning to unscrew the stopper. 

A thick black smoke came out, like when the cook lights the 

98 


99 


The Adventures with the Bottle 

furnace the first time in November and forgets to open the 
damper. It arose and gradually took the form of a great giant. 

“ Hullo,” said the Prince rather startled. “ It looks like 
another genie. I can’t say he is handsome, although he has three 
eyes instead of one.” 

Truly the fellow was fearful to look upon, and both our friends 
trembled with terror. 

“ Who are you? ” at length asked Charming timidly. 

“ I’m the genie of King Solomon,” roared the newcomer angrily. 
“ He locked me up in this bottle four thousand, three hundred 
and thirty-seven years ago.” 

“ That shows he deserved his reputation as a wise man,” replied 
the Jester. 

“ Silence ! ” roared the genie. *' For four thousand, three 
hundred and thirty-seven years I have hoped some one would 
release me, and to him would I have given the wealth of the 
Indies, but no one came. No one came.” 

“ Well, here we are at last, “ said Rigolo with a merry wink. 
“ Where’s the wealth ? ” 

“ You have come seven years too late,” said the genie. “ After 
the time had expired, I swore that any one who saved me should 
surely die,” shouted the genie. “ Death is your portion. Prepare 
to die ! Prepare to die ! ” 

“ Of course,” said the Jester. “ I’ll go home and take out an 
accident policy and will come right back.” 

“ Wait,” said Charming, “ I’ll go with you. I want to write 
my will and pay my debts.” 


100 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“Hold!” shrieked the genie. “You do not stir from this 
spot. Your hour has struck ! Your hour has struck ! ” 

Sure enough, they heard a bell from somewhere striking the 
hour. The genie rolled his three eyes in as many directions at 
once and his teeth gnashed as though he longed to bite our heroes 
into bits and Fletcherize them. 

What was there to be done ? 

What indeed ? 

Prince Charming had a simple but bright idea. He rubbed his 
lamp. In a twinkling the genie of the lamp appeared. 

“ Did you rub her?” he asked. 

“ I did,” said the Prince. “ Get rid of that impertinent imp. 
He’s too — ” The Prince was going to say fresh, but that was 
hardly the right adjective, seeing how smoky he smelled. 

The two genies looked at each other savagely for a second and 
then fell on each other like two prize fighters who are trying for 
the championship belt and three-fourths of the gate receipts. 

Thank your stars, dear readers, that you were not there to 
witness that combat. It was the most terrible set-to imaginable. 
The combatants glared at each other, smote each other, made 
faces at each other, belched forth fire at each other, till the very 
air was blue and green. They couldn’t kick each other, for neither 
had any feet, but their hands fairly churned the air. 

The Marquis of Queensbury rules were entirely forgotten. 
They fought fair and foul. Once one was on top and then the 
other, while Prince Charming and Rigolo yelled at the top of their 
voices and spurred their champion on. 


The Adventures with the Bottle 


101 


Had Solomon’s genie not been confined within the bottle so 
long, he would no doubt have won the battle and carried off the 
prize, for he was by far the bigger of the two, but his long con- 
finement in so narrow a space had cramped his limbs so that the 
other had the advantage. 

They fought for over an hour, until at last the smoky fellow 
cried “ Dayenu,” which is Sanskrit for “ sufficient,” and the 
battle was at an end. The spirit of the lamp clapped his hands. 
Two attendants appeared instantly, and rolling up the defeated 
genie into as small a space as possible, they stuffed him back into 
the bottle, screwed on the top, and threw him three rriiles out into 
the ocean, where no doubt he remains to-day, as cross, vicious, 
and smoky as ever. 

“Any further commands?” asked the genie of the lamp, 
smoothing down his ruffled locks. 

“ None ! Thank you for your kindness,” said Charming. 

“ Don’t mention it,” replied the genie. “ I owed that fellow a 
grudge since King Solomon’s days. He once stole my lollipop 
when we were kids. Now we’re even.” 

And he vanished, leaving our thankful heroes in the middle of 
the road. 


3fe ADVENTURE wit I? 
THR FOREX THIEVED 





CHAPTER XII 

A NEW PERIL awaited them. Scarcely rid of one danger, 
they ran their necks into another. 

They trudged along under the weight of their bags, discussing 
how they were going to invest their great wealth. 

“ I shall go to the Stock Exchange and speculate,” said Rigolo, 
“ Isn’t that rather uncertain? ” asked Charming. 

“ Not at all. It’s the most certain thing known. You’re sure 
to lose your money.” 

“ Then why try it, when you know you are going to lose ? ” 

“ That’s what money is for,” explained Rigolo. “ You see it’s 
this way. When you begin to speculate, they ask you, are you a 
bull, or a bear, or a lamb ? If you say a bull, they take you by 
the horns and shake the money out of your pockets. If you say 
a bear, they take you by the back of the neck and you have a 
bare chance to escape with a whole skin. If they think you are 
a lamb, they make fricassee of you.” » 

“ They must be an awfully bad crowd,” said Charming. “ I’d 
rather meet Ali Baba’s forty thieves at once; then at least I’d 
know what was going to happen.” 


102 



103 


The Adventure with the Forty Thieves 

Now this was a very imprudent speech, for he had hardly spoken 
before he saw a cloud of dust and heard the tramp of eighty feet, 
all wearing number ten boots. Up the forest path, toward our 
heroes, marched forty of the most villainous-looking fellows they 
had ever beheld. 

“ Oh dear,” sighed Rigolo. “ Your wish is coming true. 
Here's the whole gang of them.” 

Had the Prince and Rigolo been unburdened, they could have 
easily run away without being caught, but the heavy bags of 
precious stones made running impossible. You see wealth has its 
disadvantages too. 

“ Halt,” shouted the Captain, and the forty thieves instantly 
stood so still that the Statue of Liberty seemed like a Jumping 
Jack in comparison. 

The Captain looked sharply at Prince Charming and the Jester 
and then said, “ I am told that you have untold wealth about you.” 

“ If you have been told, the wealth can’t be untold,” said the 
Jester with a sickly smile. 

“Shut up,” yelled the Captain. “ How dare you talk back?” 

“ He can’t help it,” said Charming politely. “ He was born 
that way.” 

“ Well he’ll be borne the other way in just two minutes,” yelled 
the Captain. “Off with them to the cave. We’ll cut them up 
for lunch, and divide their wealth afterwards.” But nobody carried 
out the order, for the other thirty-nine thieves had fallen over the 
diamonds and were gradually filling their pockets with them. 

The Captain cried “ Halt,” and again they stood still. 


104 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 
“ Tie those rascals,” he shouted. 

In a minute both our heroes were tied hand and foot and laid 
alongside of each other in the grass. 

The Captain, believing them safe, gave his undivided attention to 
the divided diamonds, which by this time had nearly disappeared 



TIED HAND AND FOOT 

into the thirty-nine pockets. He took what was left and grumbled 
because they were not more. 

“ Take up those fellows and carry them to the cave,” he com- 
manded, in a terrible temper. 

Poor Charming and Rigolo were thrown over the backs of a 
couple of burly robbers and carried off, while the whole troupe 
followed. 

At last after climbing hills and walking through valleys, they 
reached the door of their cavern. 

“ Open Sesame,” shouted the Captain, and at once the door 
swung open, showing the deep cavern behind it. 

Charming and Rigolo, still tied, were laid down near the door, 
while the robbers went farther in to empty their pockets. The 
cave was filled with gold and silver, pictures and statues, and 


105 


The Adventure with the Forty Thieves 

other works of art, all taken from the apartments and tenement 
houses of the near-by towns. For you must know that in those 
days, the police were not nearly so careful and wide-awake as at 
the present time. 

You could take up a 
paper almost any day and 
read of a burglary, some- 
times of two. Burglars 
often carried off the 
family silver and even 
jewelry, and never were 
caught or punished. Of 
course those things don’t 
happen now, for the forty 
thieves are long since 
dead, and the police 
department is perfect. 

“ Say Rigolo,” whis- 
pered Charming when 
they were alone, “ what 

shall we do ? ” CARRIED off by the robbers 

“ Let’s say our prayers,” replied Rigolo, “ for I think I hear 
them sharpening their swords,” and he began : 

“Enie, menie, minie, mo. 

Catch a burglar by the toe ; 

If he yells, don’t let him go, 

Enie, menie, minie, mo.” 




106 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Are you sure that’s a prayer? ” asked Charming. 

“ It’s the only one I ever learned,” replied Rigolo. 

“ Amen,” said Charming, who knew that was the proper ending 
to any prayer. 

After a while Rigolo had a bright idea. “ Say Charming,” he 
whispered, “ where’s Aladdin’s lamp?” 

“ Here at my side.” 

“ Rub it.” 

“ I can’t reach it. My hands are tied behind my back.” 

“ Roll over here to me and I’ll do the rubbing.” 

Charming rolled over to Rigolo, who managed to reach it with 
one of his tied hands, and gave it a gentle rub. 

Instantly there was a noise as of thunder, and the genie stood 
before them. “ Did you rub her ? ” he asked turning from one to 
the other. 

“ I did,” cried Rigolo. “ Now listen well. First untie us ; 
then take out those forty rascals into the forest and change them 
into sour apple trees.” 

The genie cut the cords that bound the two and set them on 
their feet. Then he waved his hand in the direction of the thieves, 
and, Presto ! they stood like posts, without motion or feeling. 
Another wave of his hands, and they were out in the forest, rooted 
to the ground and actually bearing a crop of sour apples. 

“ What next ? ” inquired the genie, after he had surveyed his 
work with a smile of satisfaction. 

“ Now,” continued Rigolo, “ gather up our diamonds and pack 
them into the bags.” 


107 


The Adventure with the Forty Thieves 

“ It is done, my master,” said the genie. 

'* ’Tis well. Now deposit them with some Trust Company and 
bring us instead a bill of exchange for the amount of their value. 
We might as well be up-to-date in matters of finance as in other 
things.” 

“ Of course,” replied Charming. “ If robbers catch us again, 
the drafts will be of no use to them.” 

“ Not without our endorsement,” explained Rigolo. 

The genie disappeared, but in a moment returned with two 
beautiful engraved bills of exchange, each for 
two million Rosinobles, made out to the order of 
Charming Hullaballoo and Rigolo Funniboy. 

“ What next, O my master ? ” asked the genie 
with a bow. 

“ Now,” said Rigolo, “ take all this truck that 
the forty thieves have collected and give it back 
to its rightful owners.” 

This job seemed to stagger the genie, but the 
law of the lamp he had to obey. 

He clapped his hands, and at once a regiment 
of lesser spirits appeared. Each seized an arm- 
ful of property and flew off with it, and in just 
one hour and seventeen minutes, the plunder 
had been restored to those to whom it rightfully 
belonged. The newspapers next day had long accounts of how 
the police had at last awakened to their duty, and, having raided a 
den of thieves, had brought back valuables that had been lost for 



108 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

years. For once the police, instead of being blamed for what 
they did do, got praised for what they didn’t do. They were so 
happy about it that for the next day they did nothing at all, and as 
a result the head Commissioner gave them a “ shaking up,” which 
again got into the newspapers and caused no end of trouble. 
Which shows the truth of 
the adage, *' A. police- 
man’s lot is not a happy 
one — happy one.” 

“ Now,” said Rigolo, 
when the genie was at 
leisure again and stood 
waiting for further com- 
mands, “ take us to some 
country where there is a 
real princess imprisoned 
and really wanting some- 
body to rescue her, and 
give us a chance to show 
what we can do at the 
rescuing business.” 

The genie’s eyes twink- 
led and a queer smile 
spread over his face. He a flight through the air 

bowed low, and taking Charming in one hand and Rigolo in 
the other, flew with them over land and sea, and set them down 
before the gates of Kokola, where reigned the Emperor Oshkish. 



109 


The Adventure with the Forty Thieves 

Before the genie disappeared, he said : 

“ O my masters, listen. As Patrick Henry once remarked, I 
have but one lamp by which my footsteps are guided, and that is 
the lamp that you have there. Beware lest you lose it. In the 
realm of the Emperor Oshkish, you will see some terrible things, 
and if at the moment when most you need me, the lamp should 
be gone, no power on earth can bring it back to you. If it should 
be lost ” 

“ We could advertise it in the lost and found column,” said 
Rigolo with ready wit, “ and offer a reward for its return.” 

“ True, you might,” replied the Genie, “but nevermore would 
you see it or me. So beware ! beware ! beware ! ” 

As he muttered these words, each time louder than before, he 
grew thinner and thinner, just as though he were a spirit at a 
spiritualists’ meeting, and at last he was gone, leaving the two 
friends alone. A strict grammarian might say that they were not 
alone, for they were together, but that’s altogether a matter for 
school teachers to decide. 


^ADVENTURE “it!;. 
.YELLOW CAT 




CHAPTER XIII 


T HE LAND OF KOKOLA, as you can see by looking at a 
map of Fairy-land, lies in Flatitude 30 and Promptitude 21M, 
just three degrees below the North Pole. Now one would 
imagine that it must be very cold there, and that the principal 
crop would be icicles. But that’s an error, for the country is really 
quite warm. Owing to the curve of the ice around the pole, the 
rays of the sun are reflected to a point called a focus, and Kokola 
lies right in that focus, and thus gets all the heat it needs. This 
seems hard to understand, but it isn’t. You can try it for yourself. 
Take a parabolical concave speculum — (if you haven’t any, take 
a mirror or a burning glass), and hold it in such a way toward the 
sun that the rays of light come to a point on your hand. In about 
two minutes your hand will be so hot that you will have to put 
vaseline on. If you can’t get vaseline, try cold cream. Sweet oil 
is also good. Now imagine your hand is Kokola, and it 
becomes as simple as rolling off a log. 

There was another reason why the people of Kokola were not 
cold, namely because Emperor Oshkish kept them in hot water 




THE EMPEROR SLIDING DOWNSTAIRS 



The si dventure with the Yellow Cat 111 

most of the time. He was a hot-tempered kind of emperor, who 
thought he was the whole show. His fondness for talking and 
posing almost got his country in trouble with surrounding 
countries until the Congress made a fuss and threatened to reduce 
his salary. The people were very hot about it. 

It was rumored that the Emperor kept an enchanted princess 
in his castle, but no one had ever seen her. At night there were 
often hideous noises in the garden near a certain window, and 
while some of the neighbors said it was 
the yellow cat which made her home in 
the kitchen, others said it was something 
even worse. None of the cooks ever 
stayed more than a week or two, and 
that again gave rise to disagreeable 
rumors. Some said that the temper of 
the Empress was such that she didn’t 
hesitate to throw a plate at their heads if 
the sauce was too peppery. Others said 
that the cook-ladies left on account of 
the behavior of the yellow cat. So the 
people were very much mystified. 

Well — we had almost forgotten that 
while we were describing the country, 
our heroes stood before the door of the cook-lady 

castle. 

There was a sign out : — 

“Strangers welcome! Wipe your feet on the mat.” 



112 


The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

This they did, and then they pushed the electric button. A page 
opened the door for them. He was a nice page, like a page in a 
picture book — the first page after the cover. 

“Who is it, Jake?” 
cried the Emperor look- 
ing over the railing. 
“ The grocery man with 
the bill ? Say Zu-zu to 
the grocery man and 
tell him to call again. 
I don’t get my salary till 
March 4th.’’ 

“ It’s not a bill, your 
Highness,” said Jake. 
“ Just two young men 
fellows to see you.” 
“Oh, tell them I'm 
^ out. Went out yester- 

Vj$s V, day to tell the Czar 

•who is it, jake?” of Timbuctoo how to 

manage his Douma, and won’t be back till next week.” 

“It won’t do,” said Jake. “ They saw you peep over the railing.” 
“ Well, tell them I’ve nothing on but an ermine bath robe.” 

“ Never mind, your Highness,” said Charming. “ It’s only I, 
the only son of King Hullaballoo. Just put on your crown and 
come down.” 

So the Emperor put on his second best crown, put his sceptre 



The Adventure with the Yellow Cat 113 

into his pocket, and slid down two flights of stairs by way of the 
banisters. 

His reception of Prince Charming and Rigolo was what the 
society papers would call “cordial in the extreme,” though different 
from the customs of our country. He slapped Charming on the 
cheek, and pulled Rigolo’s nose, all the time telling them how 
glad he was to see them. And when the yellow cat got in his 
way, he at once took her by the tail and swung her around, and 
the whole company became mixed up in a great tangle in which 
the fur flew, and the noise was like Richard Strauss’s music in one 
of his new-fangled operas. After which they all sat down and 
had tea and Uneedas, while the cat, with tears in her eyes, crept 
into the corner and tried to straighten out the fur that still 
remained on her tail. 

Mrs. Emperor Oshkish came in and said how glad she was to 
see them, and thinking that Rigolo was the prince, told him that 
he was the image of his father. Then Rigolo related that well 
known joke of his, “What relation is a mat to a door-scraper? 
A stepfather,” whereat they fairly shrieked with merriment. 

“ What brings you to us ? ” at last asked the Emperor with a 
smile, wiping his chin on his sleeve. 

“ I’m out trying to rescue a princess to be my wife, and I’ve 
been told that you have a captive lady in this castle,” said Charming. 

Although it was broad daylight outside, the Emperor frowned 
so darkly that the butlers had to turn on the electric lights. He 
was fearful to behold. His eyes glared and his fingers twitched 
as though he wanted to choke somebody. 


114 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

You see this was a dangerous subject to talk about, as he 
wanted to keep the whole terrible story a secret. 

Charming saw that he had made a mistake, and wished that the 
genie had posted him what to say and what not to say. He 
wondered what was going to happen next. 

The Emperor arose, and taking a tea-cup from the table, threw 
it at Charming's head, but being in a temper, he missed the 
Prince and struck a $2000 plate mirror instead. Then Mrs. 
Emperor Oshkish took a hand in the affair and threw a plate at 
her imperial husband, to which he replied with the sceptre. The 
yellow cat took such an interest in the matter that she got mixed 
up in the Emperor’s legs, and as Charming and Rigolo tried to 
dodge, they too were drawn into the fight, so that it was difficult 
to tell who was who and which was which. It was a real interest- 
ing set-to, with everybody on top and nobody at the bottom. At 
last the Emporor thought he had enough, and managed to rise to 
his feet. He fixed his crown straight upon his massive brow, and 
rang the bell for his army, which came on at once — all three of 
it — and asked for orders. 

“ Take these two miscreants into the darkest hole in the 
furthermost depths of the castle dug-out, and there let them have 
nothing but breakfast-food till they starve to death.” 

In vain Charming pleaded for mercy and said he’d never do it 
again. In vain Rigolo begged to be allowed to go home to his 
wife and twelve little ones. 

The Emperor was as firm as adamant ( whatever that may be ), 
and our heroes were led to their cells. Rigolo, with a brave show 


The Adventure with the Yellow Cat 


115 


of wit, sang, “ Tramp, tramp, tramp, the boys are marching,” 
but their spirits were very low just the same. Just .a-s the jailer 
was locking them in, he noticed the lamp hanging at Charming’s 
side. 

“ Hello,” he cried, “ what’s this? His majesty said you were 
to be in the dark. I’m in the dark myself as to why he gave this 
order, but his majesty must be 
obeyed. Therefore, it is my 
duty to take away your lamp, 
or you might make a light 
and thus make light of your 
sentence.” He took the lamp 
and threw it through the 
window into the castle moat, 
and locking the door left 
them alone, trembling with 
fear. It was very dark in the 
dungeon. A black dog drink- 
ing a bottle of ink on a dark 
night was really dazzlingly 
white in comparison. 

Suddenly two balls of fire 
seemed to blaze up in the 
corner, followed by a terrible sound, as though a thousand cats 
were trying to say “ meow ” at the same time. 

“ Dear me, what’s that ? ” asked Charming in a fright. 

“ Hist I It is I,” said a voice that came from under the table. 



THE KING SWINGS THE CAT 


116 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ Who are you ? ” inquired Rigolo. “ Where’s your visiting 
card?” 

“ I am the yellow cat,” said the voice. “ I crept in between 
the jailer’s legs and here I am.” 

“ Now that you are here,” said Rigolo, “ how do you propose 
to help us? What was your purr-puss in coming, anyway? ” 

“ Hist I ” whispered the cat. “ Can’t you guess who I am?” 

“ Though you are a gory cat, we really don’t know in what 
cat-e-gory to place you,” replied Rigolo, funny as ever in spite of 
his troubles. 

“ You have no doubt read of Poe’s Black Cat? ” 

“ Yes indeed.” replied Charming. “ I admire Poe very 
much.” 

“ Well I’m not that black cat,” said the yellow cat. 

“ I thought as much,” said Charming, “ for the Black Cat is 
now a story magazine at ten cents a copy.” 

“ Hist 1 ” said the cat. “ Have you read the story of the 
White Cat?” 

“ Oh yes, I know all about her,” replied Charming. 

“ Well Pm the White Cat turned yellow through trouble and 
grief.” 

“ Nonsense,” said Charming. “ The White Cat lost her head 
and tail and became a princess.” 

“ Exactly. Pve lost my head many a time, and turned tail 
scores of times, and become a princess quite often. But through 
the evil power ( I had almost said machinations, but that is too 


The Adventure with the Yellow Cat 117 

big a word for a fairy-tale cat to use) of an old witch, I am 
back in the form of the same old cat, and I’m completely tired 
of it.” 

“ Why ? ” asked Charming. 

“ Hist ! Because as a cat I am leading a regular dog’s life. 
You noticed how the emperor treated me. He knows I am the 
Princess, in fact the only daughter, of his brother the King 
of Nixcumrous, and yet he would kill me if he could. He 
has in fact taken seven of my nine lives, and I have only 
two left.” 

“But why this cruelty?” asked Rigolo pityingly. 

“ Because,” said the cat, “ if I regain my form, all my 
fortune, which Uncle Oshkish is now enjoying, becomes mine 
again. Do you see? Hist!” 

“ Dear me, I wish you wouldn’t say Hist ! so often , ” said 
Charming. “ It gets on my nerves.” 

“ It shows that she has histrionic ability,” said Rigolo. 

“ If you help me,” said the cat, “ I will help you.” 

“ Certainly,” said Charming. “ We were created to help one 
another. That’s the golden rule. But how ? ” 

“ Hist — I mean listen ! Cut off my head and tail and I’ll be a 
beautiful princess again. Then we will all escape together.” 

“ It will be a wholesale escape,” said Rigolo, “ for if you lose 
your tail, you certainly cannot be retailed,” whereupon he laughed 
till even the window of the dungeon had a pane. He was such a 
funny jester, and his jokes were so new and original. 


118 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ I would cut you up with pleasure and marry you after- 
wards,” said Charming, “ but, alas, I have no knife.” 

“ True,” said Rigolo. 

“How can he cut it without any knife ? 

How can he marry without any wife ? ” 

“ How unfortunate,” said Puss. “ Just my luck. You couldn’t 
bite them off, could you ? ” 

“ Hardly. Oh, if we only hadn’t lost Aladdin’s lamp.” 

“ You haven’t got anything about you, have you,” asked the 
cat, “ that might have been given to you by a fairy godmother? ” 

Now Charming had entirely forgotten the four leaf clover which 
his mother had given him, and which, besides slipping his 
memory, had slipped through a hole in his pocket into the lining 
of his coat. After a hasty search, he found it, and managed to dig 
it out. 

The only light in that dark dungeon was that provided by the 
cat’s blazing eyes, but it was quite light enough to see the trinket 
by. 

“ Here it is,” said Charming. 

“ Good,” said the cat. “ It looks familiar. Rub it.” 

Charming rubbed it, but nothing happened. 

“ I remember my fairy godmother told me a word to say next 
time I needed her assistance, but I have forgotten it entirely,” 
said the Prince. 

“It yvasn’t Abracadabra or Presto Change was it?” asked 


119 


The Adventure with the Yellow Cat 

Rigolo. “ That’s what sleight of hand performers say when 
they want something to appear or to disappear.” 

“ No, it sounded more like Dingle Dangle” said Charming. 

“ Perhaps it was Simsolerimbimbaselamidusseldolerim,” said 
the cat. 

“ That’s it. How did you know ? ” 

“ Because it’s a regular stock word for fairy godmothers. 
Mine used to say it too.” 

“ Perhaps we have the same godmother,” said the Prince. 

'‘Wouldn’t that be lovely? But hurry. Rub the thing and 
say the word.” 

Charming did as the cat suggested. Instantly the dungeon 
was lit up by that soft sixteen-candle glow which we remember 
from Chapter III, and Fairy Papillion rose out of the floor, 
as pretty and fresh as ever — and, oh, how deliciously welcome ! 

“ Well, my boy,” she said, “ you have called me and here 
I am. What can I do for you?” 

The Prince fell about her neck for joy. He told her of 
his adventures since their last meeting, and the Fairy shed 
several tears of sympathy for him. 

“ And who is this ? ” asked Papillion, pointing to Rigolo. 

“ This is Rigolo Funniboy, the Jester,” said Charming. 

“ Not Rigolo, the author of that celebrated joke about the 
Irishman who ate a red pepper in mistake for a tomato ? ” 

“ The same,” replied Rigolo, casting down his eyes with 
becoming modesty. 


120 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

“ How glad I am to meet you. Some day when I have time, 
[ will call on you, and you can spring all your gags on me.” 

You see the Fairy spoke a strange language at times, which was 
only used in Fairy-land, 

Just then the cat, who had retreated to a corner, came out 
rather bashfully. She wanted to be noticed too. 

The moment she saw the Fairy, she knew that it was 
Papillion. 

“ How do you do, Fairy Papillion,” she said. “ Don’t you 
remember me ? ” 

“ I can’t say that I do,” replied the Fairy. “ But then I 
meet so many cats, that I ” 

“ But I’m no real cat. I’m the Princess Yolande, the 
daughter of King Nixcumrous, and you are my fairy god- 
mother.” 

“ Why, bless my soul ! ” said the Fairy. “ What are you 
doing in that make-up ? ” 

Yolande told her sad story. 

“ Oh, won’t you please turn me back into my natural 
shape?” she pleaded. 

“ Why of course, my dear,” said Papillion, and giving her 
a single tap with her wand, the cat disappeared as if by 
magic, and there stood the most beautiful maiden that Fairy- 
land had ever produced. 

Fifi, Fatinella, and all the other captive princesses were 
really plain in comparison. 


The Adventure with the Yellow Cat 121 

“ Oh, thank you ever so much,” she said gushingly. “ Only 
those who have been changed into cats can have any idea 
how tiresome it is. One is so cramped. And to have to 
say Meow when one would rather talk English, and to have 
to eat mice when one prefers spring chicken, and then to 
be swung around by the tail till it feels like breaking off. 
I assure you it is no fun.” 

Papillion kissed Yolande and said, “ Now my dear, allow 
me to introduce to you Prince Charming Hullaballoo, your 
second cousin, and one of my two thousand other god- 
children.” 

‘‘I already know the Prince,” said Yolande casting down 
her beautiful eyes. 

“ He needs a wife, and you want a husband, and I, there- 
fore, decree that you shall be one. Although I am not sure 
which one it shall be.” 

“ Will you be my better-half ? ” asked Charming, taking 
Yolande’s hand. 

“ I’ll do better,” whispered Yolande ; “ I’ll be the whoie 
thing.” 

“ Bless you, my children,” said the Fairy. “ And now 
suppose we all go home to King Hullaballoo and celebrate 
the wedding.” 

She waved her wonderful wand and instantly the walls of 
the dungeon disappeared, showing the beautiful gardens of 
Emperor Oshkish outside, and there posed in the grass were 


122 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

four brilliantly colored butterflies, as big as ponies, all saddled 
ready to mount. 

Each got astride a butterfly and off they flew over hill 
and dale to the land of King Hullaballoo. But first they 
sent a marconigram, which is a fairy word for a message, 
that they were coming, so that the King could put the cider 
on ice, get the Hungarian orchestra ready, and set the table 
for the feast. 



ALL’S WELL 
THAT ENDS WELL 




CHAPTER XIV 


TT7HEN the party arrived in King Hullaballoo’s Kingdom, 
* ™ they found everything in a state of great excitement. 

The people were all out on the street waving flags and 
shouting themselves hoarse. The bands were playing at every 
corner. Everybody was in a fine good humor. The very persons 
who were glad when the Prince went away, were now delighted 
that he was coming back, especially with so charming and 
sensible a wife, who was sure to see that he behaved himself. 

For you must know that all Prince Charming’s deeds had 
been duly recorded in the newspapers of the Kingdom. His 
fight with the Crocogator, for instance, filled a whole column 
in the Daily Bombastico. The story of his adventures in the 
courts of Chico, Cole, Heinrich, and the other royal gentle- 
men, had been read by the people, and told by them to 
their children, and were written down in a big book with 
beautiful illustrations, to sell for $4.98 a volume, net, at all 
the book stores. 

123 


124 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

So Charming had really become a hero like Jack the Giant 
Killer and Dick Whittington and other wonderful fellows, and 
the people were willing to forget his faults (which were many), 
and remember only his virtues (which were few). 

When at last the Prince, Yolande, and Rigolo, headed by 
the Fairy Papillion, all mounted on their beautiful butter- 
flies, came flying through the air right into the palace court- 
yard, the cannons were booming, and the shouting people 
greeted them with “ Hurrah ” and “ Hoch ” and “ Benzai ” 
and anything else they could think 
of. 

The King put away his money, 
and the Queen her bread and honey, 
and the maid in the garden stopped 
hanging up the clothes, and all gave 
the visitors a hearty welcome. 

After Charming had told all about 
his adventures, and Yolande had told 
hers, and Fairy Papillion had 
explained how she happened to be 
there, Rigolo was introduced by 
Charming. 

“ Without his help, Father dear,” 
the bride looked lovely said the Prince, I could have done 
very little. When things went wrong, when everything seemed 
blue, it was Rigolo’s wit that brought new hope.” 



dll's IE cl l that Ends IE ill 


125 


“Yes” said the King, “we all know that a little nonsense 
now and then is relished by the best of men. Well Rigolo, 
tell us a brand new joke, just to show us whether your wit 
is as great as your 
reputation.” 

“ Tell us a big 
whopper,” urged 
Charming. 

Then it was that 
Rigolo invented that 
famous joke that has 
since been considered 
the greatest of all 
jokes — about the man 
by the name of Bigger 
who had a little boy. 

Now which Was the the king at the wedding 

Bigger of these two Biggers, the father or the son? Why the 
son of course, for while the father was Bigger, the son was 
a little Bigger. 

The whole court laughed immoderately, and the King choked 
so with merriment that they had to put him under the shower 
in the bath room. When he recovered he engaged Rigolo at 
once to be his court jester at a salary of nothing the first 
year and double as much every year thereafter. 

The wedding took place next day at high noon. The organ 



126 The Strange Adventures of Prince Charming 

played Bundleson’s wedding march. The bride looked lovely 
in white surah silk, trimmed with spangles. 

The banquet was held in the kitchen of the palace, which 
had been carefully scrubbed for the occasion. The table 
decorations were magnificent and the eating first class. The 
caterer charged three dollars a head, which was very reasonable 
considering they had all the delicatessen of the season, and 
some of the season before. 

Rigolo, of course, was the life of the party, although the 
Queen said he would be the death of her. His wit was as 
brilliant as scourene, and none were bored who sat about the 
festive board. 

It was on this momentous occasion that he invented that 
celebrated riddle, that has since become a classic in Fairy-land : 
“Why is a buckwheat cake like a caterpillar? Because it is 
the grub that makes the butterfly.” 

When midnight came and the King was asked to respond 
to a toast, he arose, but as there was no one to hold him, he 
quickly and silently sat down again. This was taken as a sign 
that his majesty was tired. So, with the aid of the Major 
Domo and the Court Chamberlain, they got him to retire. 
The Fairy disappeared in a halo of light, and the wedding, as 
well as the wonderful adventures of Prince Charming, came to 


AN END. 












